Thursday, July 21, 2011

Retsupurae Does Shit Right Again, Everyone Hates It

What's this? Retsupurae's knocking off that awful MST-wannabe crap (which sucked when they did the same thing with that Mega Man cartoon, by the way, though I did like the Battletoads one), and have gone back to their true calling: Being mean to people. And check it: 33,193 views in 19 hours! Already beats most of those longplay videos! Let's check this shit out!

Goddamnit, YouTube, can you not fuck things up? Why did seem like a good idea for the control panel to be wet cement gray and all up in the video? And...wait a...why so many down votes? The guy playing this is being paid by for this shit, he makes horribly tasteless jokes about assassination and suicide when he gets hit by very avoidable Bullet Bills, he has 40-something lives and savestates every few seconds, he was apparently watching TV while he was doing this, it just all around sucks! How did this get so many downvotes?

Well, turns out they were riffing on some guy called "Seamus". I've never heard of him, which means he can't possibly be famous. Maybe reading the comments will shed some light on this:

"If they are able to troll other people for not being entertaining enough, then we have the right to repay the favor. This video was not funny, at all. It was not offensive, but it was annoying because everything they said about Seamus was not true. They took a video of his that was two years old, which was before he got a partnership, and they ripped into him for it. It was simply not funny, and if we want to be fair about this, then I am allowed to tell them in a comment."

Kinda makes a good point here. Choosing a big target, picking out some old shame...let's read on.

"Yeah. Seamus has grown a lot over the last couple of years, and they chose a video of his that was not very great on purpose. He has almost 5.5 thousand videos on youtube, so you're bound to get a few stinkers here and there. This video is before he got his machinima contract, and these guys are ripping into him for bullshit reasons. So, yeah. There are 3000 dislikes for a reason. These guys were just trolling in an unfunny way here."

Hmm. Once again, good point.

"Stu Pickles' instructions to making pudding pie: 1. Wake up at 4 in the morning. 2. Buy a box of pudding mix and mix it with milk. 3. Pour the pudding into the pie shell. 4. Cook for 30 minutes. 5. Make sure your clown-haired wife asks you what you're doing at 4 in the morning. 6. Say you've lost control of your life. 7. Serve to your bitch niece who refuses to eat it. 8. Scream like a little girl. 9. Refrigerate for several hours."

"I use the term troll loosely, and since SsohPKC called them "trolls" I went ahead and used the term here.

And no, it's not satire. Satire is making witty comments for constructive criticism, they make no witty comments, and none of what they say is constructive in any way, shape or form. The only thing they do is try to put others to shame by making stupid jokes and comments, which is a form of trolling."


Satire is primarily a literary genre or form, although in practice it can also be found in the graphic and performing arts. In satire, vices, follies, abuses, and shortcomings are held up to ridicule, ideally with the intent of shaming individuals, and society itself, into improvement. Although satire is usually meant to be funny, its greater purpose is often constructive social criticism, using wit as a weapon.

Does that sound like "constructive criticism"? No, it- Oh wait, it does. It says that right in there. But by "constructive", they mean "fix this shit, you're doing it wrong". The "constructive criticism" everyone always goes on about is walking on egg shells so as to not hurt anyone's precious feelings, and drive everyone who refuses to tolerate that sort of nancy-pansy bullshit into 4chan and Encyclopedia Dramatica (or Something Awful, if you want everything you'd get out of a normal forum with the added fun of having to pay for it all), where they turn into mountain tiger ogres and forget their past lives forever. Not that Retsupurae is satire, 'cus it's not. But abusing both the word "satire" and "troll" at the same time is fucking retarded and just wrong. That's "constructive criticism", I assume or not, whatever, I don't care!

So...yeah, Retsupurae goes back to doing shit right, but everyone hates it because some unfunny, tasteless asshole ("I got hit by a Bullet Bill! I'm like JFK or Kurt Corbain! LAWLZ!) with no talent and sold out to some shitty website to get paid to playing fucking games instead of getting a real goddamn job is famous in some tiny circle of nerds...but Retsupurae apparently went out of there way to find this bad video...'cus they're satirical trolls...or...

Oh, fuck it. I'm gonna go look at Shinji Ikari's sweet retro-tits now.


Update: Bloop.

...S'yeah, when the guy you're defending is completely cool with the thing you're attacking, you're doing it wrong.


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