Thursday, July 21, 2011

Retsupurae Does Shit Right Again, Everyone Hates It

What's this? Retsupurae's knocking off that awful MST-wannabe crap (which sucked when they did the same thing with that Mega Man cartoon, by the way, though I did like the Battletoads one), and have gone back to their true calling: Being mean to people. And check it: 33,193 views in 19 hours! Already beats most of those longplay videos! Let's check this shit out!

Goddamnit, YouTube, can you not fuck things up? Why did seem like a good idea for the control panel to be wet cement gray and all up in the video? And...wait a...why so many down votes? The guy playing this is being paid by for this shit, he makes horribly tasteless jokes about assassination and suicide when he gets hit by very avoidable Bullet Bills, he has 40-something lives and savestates every few seconds, he was apparently watching TV while he was doing this, it just all around sucks! How did this get so many downvotes?

Well, turns out they were riffing on some guy called "Seamus". I've never heard of him, which means he can't possibly be famous. Maybe reading the comments will shed some light on this:

"If they are able to troll other people for not being entertaining enough, then we have the right to repay the favor. This video was not funny, at all. It was not offensive, but it was annoying because everything they said about Seamus was not true. They took a video of his that was two years old, which was before he got a partnership, and they ripped into him for it. It was simply not funny, and if we want to be fair about this, then I am allowed to tell them in a comment."

Kinda makes a good point here. Choosing a big target, picking out some old shame...let's read on.

"Yeah. Seamus has grown a lot over the last couple of years, and they chose a video of his that was not very great on purpose. He has almost 5.5 thousand videos on youtube, so you're bound to get a few stinkers here and there. This video is before he got his machinima contract, and these guys are ripping into him for bullshit reasons. So, yeah. There are 3000 dislikes for a reason. These guys were just trolling in an unfunny way here."

Hmm. Once again, good point.

"Stu Pickles' instructions to making pudding pie: 1. Wake up at 4 in the morning. 2. Buy a box of pudding mix and mix it with milk. 3. Pour the pudding into the pie shell. 4. Cook for 30 minutes. 5. Make sure your clown-haired wife asks you what you're doing at 4 in the morning. 6. Say you've lost control of your life. 7. Serve to your bitch niece who refuses to eat it. 8. Scream like a little girl. 9. Refrigerate for several hours."

"I use the term troll loosely, and since SsohPKC called them "trolls" I went ahead and used the term here.

And no, it's not satire. Satire is making witty comments for constructive criticism, they make no witty comments, and none of what they say is constructive in any way, shape or form. The only thing they do is try to put others to shame by making stupid jokes and comments, which is a form of trolling."


Satire is primarily a literary genre or form, although in practice it can also be found in the graphic and performing arts. In satire, vices, follies, abuses, and shortcomings are held up to ridicule, ideally with the intent of shaming individuals, and society itself, into improvement. Although satire is usually meant to be funny, its greater purpose is often constructive social criticism, using wit as a weapon.

Does that sound like "constructive criticism"? No, it- Oh wait, it does. It says that right in there. But by "constructive", they mean "fix this shit, you're doing it wrong". The "constructive criticism" everyone always goes on about is walking on egg shells so as to not hurt anyone's precious feelings, and drive everyone who refuses to tolerate that sort of nancy-pansy bullshit into 4chan and Encyclopedia Dramatica (or Something Awful, if you want everything you'd get out of a normal forum with the added fun of having to pay for it all), where they turn into mountain tiger ogres and forget their past lives forever. Not that Retsupurae is satire, 'cus it's not. But abusing both the word "satire" and "troll" at the same time is fucking retarded and just wrong. That's "constructive criticism", I assume or not, whatever, I don't care!

So...yeah, Retsupurae goes back to doing shit right, but everyone hates it because some unfunny, tasteless asshole ("I got hit by a Bullet Bill! I'm like JFK or Kurt Corbain! LAWLZ!) with no talent and sold out to some shitty website to get paid to playing fucking games instead of getting a real goddamn job is famous in some tiny circle of nerds...but Retsupurae apparently went out of there way to find this bad video...'cus they're satirical trolls...or...

Oh, fuck it. I'm gonna go look at Shinji Ikari's sweet retro-tits now.


Update: Bloop.

...S'yeah, when the guy you're defending is completely cool with the thing you're attacking, you're doing it wrong.


Friday, July 15, 2011

Why Chris-Chan and His Trolls Remind Me of American Politics

So, I was wasting the precious time I have on this Earth reading about one of the greatest human trainwrecks in history last night. Then, suddenly, I realized something.

Y'know, I take a look at these so-called "trolls", and...there is so much time and effort invested here. I mean, look at all these damned pages! And not just emails, but phone calls. They just go on and on, and while they're screwing with him to a degree, there's an awful lot of trying to help the son of a bitch!

Now, in case you don't know anything about Christian Weston Chandler, I am barely exaggerating when I say he's worse than goddamn Hitler. He is truly one of the most detestable excuses of a human being I have ever heard about, and brother, that's really saying something.

When I really take the time to read this stuff, it's kinda...lame. They're messing with him, sure, but a lot of the time, it seems only so he'll listen to their advice. I've seen all this bargaining and time wasted on trying to help this abomination that proves time and time again that he's ultra retarded and just doesn't give a shit about you or anyone else that doesn't fit into his own agenda. Just as Chris repeatedly did the same stupid shit again and again (which is apparently the definition of insanity, by the way), so did these so-called "trolls" (who are just a bunch of goody-two-shoes motherfuckers if you ask me, which you totally did just now), who seem to have this weird pseudo-tsundere thing going on with him. Like, seriously, after several months of Chris officially having his spirit broken (thanks for overharvesting this wonderful resource, by the way), they're still monitoring his PSN thing!

And I realized something: Chris-chan and his trolls are the perfect allegory for Republicans and Democrats.

It makes perfect sense, right?! I'm not crazy, right?! Republicans are irredeemable assholes who just don't give a shit. Democrats are compromising pussies who can't seem to understand that the Republicans just don't give a shit. Republicans keep going "fuck you, I just don't give a shit", and Democrats keep tryin' give them a shit. Or something. I honestly don't know what I'm talking about.

And BlueSpike is like Ron Paul.

We switch to World of Warcraft currency, we don't fuck around around with autistic dickheads, and EVERYONE GETS HEROIN!


Tuesday, June 28, 2011

The A-Team Defeats LulzSec, Names Somehow Still Not Cleared

I guess I shouldn't be surprised to find out I'm not the only one who got a laugh when LulzSec lost their spines when one of their members was arrested and realized there is no real anonymity online disbanded after they were done exposing corporations and governments...somehow. You know surprised me, though? The goddamned A-Team fighting fire with fire!

Pictured: Real goddamn hackers

"'The Internet by definition is not anonymous,' the group said. 'Computers have to have attribution. If you trace something back far enough you can find its origins.'"

And then I assume they added "I love it when a plan comes together" while something blew up behind them.


Monday, June 13, 2011

My Thoughts on Lulz Sec

"We were going to keep this little treasure chest to ourselves, but it appears the hand has been bitten. Say your prayers, Brink users. >:]" "Big lulz coming up in the near future. Time to show these bitches how it's done. #Brink #Bethesda #ZeniMax"

Oh no! I'm mocking some kids who spend time learning computer shit just about anyone can learn nowadays! Now I'm gonna get my password guessed hacked! And that's totally impressive nowadays, because nothing has changed since the 1990s! I'm in so much trouble when they randomly stumble across this blog out of pure luck and give a rat's ass! Then I'll lose this blog I occasionally post on when I feel like and have nothing better to do forever!

Good thing I know how to close web browsers or there'd be no escape!

Update: LulzSec has disbanded...which means, one or two guys got bored or (much more likely) quit because one of the little punks got caught, and the rest abandoned him and quickly ran away like the pathetic losers that they are (which just amuses the living crap out of me):

"For the past 50 days we've been disrupting and exposing corporations, governments, often the general population itself, and quite possibly everything in between, just because we could. All to selflessly entertain others--vanity, fame, recognition, all of these things are shadowed by our desire for that which we all love."

I knew their reason was something stupid like this. Back in the 1990s, when the internet was some dark and mysterious thing, that little speech might have meant something. But it's 2011 now. You can find pirated videos on YouTube, Google Earth put those shady satellite photo sites out of business, and hacking anything over the internet is not even remotely an impressive feat. Christ, even doing shit "because we can" is goddamn old! What is this, 2007?

If you're going to hack anything, hack breast cancer. There's something that needs to be inconvenienced slightly over the internet.


Friday, June 10, 2011

IGN'S Previews Duke Nukem Forever Review

...No. Never again. I'm through point out how stupid this crap is.

(Edit: After actually, y'know, reading this half-finished review, I was really surprised. I was expecting them to go all Alan Wake on my ass and squeeze out a golden pile of bullshit, but they really aren't sugarcoating things just because it's a popular franchise or because it's famous (for a terrible reason, but still, people keep proving they really are that stupid). Go, IGN. Sorta.)

On a related note, my God, Duke Nukem Forever looks amazingly boring. How do you cock up Duke Nukem? You make it like every other modern FPS, fill it with lines that were badass and edgy in the 1990s, and force the player to stand there while professional voice actors read your dumbass Duke Nukem fanfic.

...And then there's that asshole on throne...whose picture you gotta take to move the beginning of the game, and...and...JESUS FUCKING-

My hands are shaking. I need my Pony fix, man! Just some Fluttershy to mellow me out! I NEED TO FUCKING MELLOW OUT SO GODDAMN MUCH RIGHT NOW!


Thursday, June 9, 2011


I am honestly surprised by South Park these last few episodes. After years of being too topical (or too late to be too topical), characters either dropping out of sight or being derailed, and so much fucking Cartman (to the point where he appeared in a commercial where he was not only in a scene he wasn't in, but also had very little screentime in the episode) it was nice to see all this old South Park stuff return. And to top it all off, they even talked about why Stan's dad was a huge buffoon who got so much screentime for a while there! But as much as I love this return to the old, pre-way-the-fuck-too-popular-for-its-own-good days and acknowledging Randy acting like a major jackass, there was something in that episode that was more important than all of that.

Lots and lots of poop. Cynicism.

My God, there's a metric fuckton of cynicism out there. It helped me spawn a 26 page thread, which is 98% me bitching about how shit everything is. Seeing all that poop everywhere was awesome Stan complain about how everything was shit hit pretty close to home for me. And it got me thinking about how much being an asshole who complains about everything is so incredibly prevelent. So much so that you've got places like TV Tropes and the Elder Scroll/Fallout Nexus going to the other, equally obnoxious extreme. I want to complain about this, but I'm too aware of the irony of doing that to actually do it!

But then, you see, I realized something. You see, there is treatment. There is a way to fight this. There is hope for ours souls.

Poop is funny.


Thursday, June 2, 2011

Life's Beautiful Little Miracles

Some days, you might stuck in traffic and it's raining, but then the rain clears up and you'll see a double rainbow. And other days, you'll hear about the Ku Klux Klan protesting the Westboro Church at Arlington Cemetary.

And you can't help but smile and feel like everything's gonna be alright.


Children Don't Really Need Orgasms

Hey, look what I just found shortly after mentioning that Nexus admin defending a sexualized children mod?

Nice one, God!



No, no! Not that one! Good lord, not that one! He's cool! He's bros with Jesus! No, I mean the Fallout Nexus' Buddah, who's somehow an even worse and more fucked up administrator since TV Tropes' Fast Eddie. Not only does this asshole outright defend what is basically a softcore kiddie porn mod from legitimate criticism moral outrage (ain't linkin' that), there's this shit:

Here's what the modder seriously said:

"NOTE: You need to read this if you want to comment on my mod! If you don't pay attention and go by what I am saying, you won't be happy. I DO NOT tolerate any harsh criticism AT ALL. If you've got something mean to say, either keep it to yourself or alter the words to make it nice and include a smiley face or something... My previous experience of having people ridicule my mod was unpleasant and if it happens again, you won't have a happy life on the Nexus... I can guarantee..."

He's a little punk-ass motherfucker and he richly deserves to get his shit fucked up. Any other site would have the good sense to kick this little shit out.

And then here's what the ironically named "Buddah" said:

"Seems you want to dictate the terms of commenting on your mod, well I will do my best to keep the trolls at bay."


And then he locked the comments, even though the people who calling out this little shit were being pretty polite about it.

Y'know what? Someone should make a quick, simple mod...then act like a egotistical punk who's just asking for the internet hate machine to kick his ass! And to every person who calls you out on that shit, PM them at tell them the truth: That you're doing this to make Buddah look like the goddamn fool that he is. And I was going to say spring the truth on the fuckhead when he defends someone who should be banned for being an asshole, but I got an even better idea: Do the same thing again. And again and again. In fact, flood the goddamn place with a bunch of puppet accounts and have them all upload shitty little mods where you act like a massive fucking manchild to get Buddah to defend you from people who are justifiably outraged and make him look stupid.

Y'know, trolling!


Sunday, May 22, 2011

Ever Get The Feeling People Actually Listen to You?

"Fun fact: Diabetus and I are not doing any more videos making of fun of bad LPers, or videos making fun of bad flashes, or even other longplays. This channel is now 100% devoted to Rise of the Dragon over and over."

Okay, I know I can't possibly be the only person who acted like a violent loon complained (seriously, I gave this Longplay MSTing crap a chance, it's painfully lame, knock that shit off), but it's fun to pretend.


P.S.- Rise of the Dragon was a great game, which I own on the Sega CD. That had nothing to do with me unsubscribing to Retsupurae. Really.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Monday, April 25, 2011


That's a real site. A real dating site. For black people. Only black people.



Sunday, April 17, 2011


Okay, I'll admit it. I'm getting addicted to the dramastorm with the same site so many nerds and crybabies have tried to take down for years getting taken down by it's own mother smothering it with a pillow. But did you know not only are they totally ripping off Know Your Meme, but they probably stole their name from some dude on Tumblr?

Well, since he takes questions, let's ask the one question burning on all our minds:

"Does this site REALLY have nothing to do with Sherrod DeGrippo sellout out Encyclopedia Dramatica, or are you- in fact- part of an OBAMA GAMBIT?!

This was all part of a plan to turn ED into The Unofficial Know Your Meme Mirror that was planned years in advance, like the conspiracy to get Obama into office! IT ALL MAKES PERFECT SENSE WHEN YOU DON'T THINK ABOUT IT, MAN!"


Magitechno Strikeforce No More Sex: Sneak Peek

From the mind of one of my many, many alter egos (which I guess means just from me) comes high functioning autistic anime:

Yes, I pretend to be many, many girls on the internet. It amuses me and is hot.


Saturday, April 16, 2011


A cool song, and a warning.


The Son of Earpennies McDogfartcar

Okay, finally, I'm out of things to gripe about, so back to silly nonsense! Hey, let's write a fanfic about all the fat characters from Disney movies and cartoons fucking each other! That's much more in the spirit of what this blog should be about! But first, let's take a look at the com- SON OF A BITCH!

We've been through this already. You're harassing a nobody on a blog no one's ever heard of, and you're devoting too much time to it. I mean, my God, how obsessed do you have to be with this trivial piece of crap I've created to make this much of a nuisance out of yourself? Seriously?

You know what? No. You, my new minor annoyance, are no Earpennies McDogfartcar. You're just some loser in his late teens-early 20s who doesn't have a life, so he has ample time to obsess of this little nothing place. Earpennies McDogfartcar was an obnoxious loser, but he was an obnoxious loser who was also a complete freakin' weirdo. See, lemme tell you about Earpennies McDogfartcar: He was a stupid asshole with no friends, his family hated him, Mrs. Buttersworth was his imaginary wife, he lived in a dumpster, he ate garbage, he slept in a bed of his own feces, he drove a pretend car made of dog farts, he sucked his own dick, he died of breast cancer, and they threw his dead body into the sewer. He was a walking abortion who always had pennies in his goddamn ears and peace came to the Middle East when he died. And he was a better man than you.

Image and video hosting by TinyPic
Pictured: Someone who's better than you.

You're nothing, kid. A nobody. You''re...THE SON OF EARPENNIES MCDOGFARTCAR!

Oh, and by the way, I'm just gonna delete your shit without warning now. Not everyone gets sympathy, sport.


Friday, April 15, 2011

Encyclopedia Dramatica is Dead Now: After of the Lulz Died (Part 2)

Y'know, I gotta wonder, what are other people saying about this? People nowadays are such goddamn sheep that they're probably all mindlessly flocking over there and eating from OhInternet's slop trow, right?

"The result of your "fixes" made a funny website into a Web 2.0 abortion. Fuck you and fuck Sherrod and her sellout whore ass."

"I assure you I will try and help support OhInternet.. but really just see just where your traffic is going to go with this new format.
Prediction: No where but down.
Except for idiots like me who think they owe some sort of "fealty".
To what, some may ask.."

"Exactly what I'm thinking. Encyclopedia dramatica, 4chan, anonymous, and everything else dealing with the internet hate machine as a whole were founded on the basis of NO INTERNET CENSORSHIP. Now Sherrod's talking about making this into some new "toned-down" fucking piece of shit website, which is the entire goddamn opposite of what it was supposed to be from the beginning? I don't know about everyone else, but I think Sherrod is a 100% pure grade A selllout worthless sack of horse shit, and should be treated as such."

"1st. It will be back. In one form or another.
2nd. Theres no need to replace ed with ohintenret. Both can live together aimed to different publics.
3rd. Fuck you!
4th. Its just a marketing thing. They make people talk about it. Then ED is back, and OHI had publicity."

"OhInternet is going to die on it's arse mate. You're going up against the already established Know Your Meme (with a very popular web show) in the realm of SFW meme-whoring. You think that everyone will flock to your site because you're the team behind ED? Think again, you'll only ever be seen as the guys who caved under pressure and deleted their site, replacing it with a sanitized safe-for-work pile of garbage."

"are you serious?? You "fixed" EXACTLY what was right with site!! What you have left behind is boring, uninteresting, re-hashed, tired and quite honestly pathetic... bad move"

"Congrats, you resurrected as a toothless pc bastard that is doomed to epic failure. Hope u enjoy it u bovine pig-snouted bitch!"

"æ was our history books. If you don't want to host it anymore, give us a copy for historical reference. Make a goddamn torrent, do something before you start this SFW bullshit site..."

"I worked writing those ED articles for years. As did many other Anons. They are the product of our collective work. They took them down and refused to release the archives (of our work). So we started gathering cached back ups these will be posted on a new-ed at some point. Sherrod threatened to sue if we do. But I dont think we give a shit."

"Wow, OhInternet is truly horrible. They've taken all the joy of memes and sucked the funny out of it so hard. It's what the internet would be if Disney were running it. I figured maybe it was just a tamed down version of ED but I can't even find a fuck to give a fuck about."

"The new website is awful: The articles lack any informtation, substance or comedy whatsoever and the desire to make it safe for work completely destroys any entertainment value.

The old one was offensive, yes; but the authors' completely "I don't care who I offend" take on everything was part of the reason it was funny. I spent countless hours reading through random articles just for some laughs or entertainment.

This new "ohinternet" is going to be a complete failure. I say good riddance when it falls."

"When I heard about this, I figured "okay, no big deal. ED without porn and gore.

Then I went to the website and... christ it's terrible. The articles are completely flavorless. They're little fact blurbs. Where did the humor go?"

"The only thing ED stood for is censorship in the other direction. I say good fucking riddance."

"it's like i'm really reading a dumbed down uncyclopedia!

I hope the past users recreate ED again. Good luck to you on doing so, hey guise. I salute you."

"You know it's funny to see all these people saying how the people who visited ED are those who have no life or simply are immature. What are you? An 80's sitcom? The world isn't so black and white anymore, which makes me think that maybe it is those who are saying this that truly haven't gone out from their basement since the Reagan years. Yes, while it's true that a HUGE majority are losers, a lot of us are just as outgoing as any douchebag you see with his ironic t-shirt and sideways cap. We came to ED because the internet is full of shitty attempts at humor. Many people enjoy the homophobic, racist attitude that the ED articles used to have. Sure I could have done without the nudes [which are 90% penises], but the lulz we had were of an epic nature. There really was no reason to delete the database and replace it with an uncyclopedia clone [only less funny if that was possible]. I'm not saying the creators are sell-outs, but you DID just went to the safe-work route and went against the "for the lulz" you so proudly had as the motto. I'm hoping somebody WILL come up with a new ED as sometimes, after a horrible day in college/work, all you really need is a healthy dose of seeing a fat person being called a whale. Thank you ED for the wonderful memories, but I will not be sticking around OhInternet. Enjoy your new fanbase of christian 9 year olds, because I'm literally Getting The Fuck Out."

And probably my favorite one of the lot:

"The comments from the former ED owners / current OHINTERNET overlords seem incredibly self serving and hypocritical. The OhI admins are already on record as saying they don't WANT former ED users on their new site. That's a wonderful way to build up user base... purposefully alienate the people who made your site popular. There's no reason in the world why they couldn't have given control of ED over to sysops who still wanted to keep it running and and still launch their new site, complete with the ED domain redirect, to keep their traffic up. Doing it this way seems just purposely spiteful. To say the your new site is there to document internet culture when you yourselves just erased seven years of that very culture... not cool.

Sure, ED was 90% crap. But 90% of Wikipedia is crap, too. Sturgeon's Law applies in all cases. If Jimbo decided tomorrow to blank Wikipedia and redirect to a new site, the response from the Internet would be nothing short of cataclysmic.

As has been noted, there are already SFW places for people to learn internet culture. There is no other ED (well, yet... I suspect a fork will be running soon). No one was forced to visit ED. The shocking content was not foisted on people unwillingly. Lots of people hated it, but lots of people liked it. No matter how the powers that be frame it, its an underhanded move. Having the right to to something does not make it right.

Son, I am very dissapoint."

Update: For all you people saying Oh Internet is just a cheap knock-off of Know Your, sir, are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. Now that the site's situated a bit, I decided to take a bit more of a gander at it, and yes, it's basically a such cheap carbon copy of Know Your Meme that it borders on plagerism. If you want to know about memes, got to Know Your Meme. If you want the biggest troll target since Chris-chan and Conservapedia, go to Oh Internet.

Oh, by the way, their TV Tropes page? The thing that started this big, long mess? It sucks and is completely pointless. Fisherman Eddie would be proud.

In case you're a blithering idiot who can't be bothered to do some basic background checking, I fucking hated Encyclopedia Dramatica. It, as Oscar Wilde would put it, sucked. It was unfunny and lame, and I've called them (or, in hindsight, maybe just Sherrod DeGrippo) out on shit that they went too far with. I cannot make it any more clear that I am not a friend of Encyclopedia Dramatica or anyone who likes it.

But you see, there's this crazy thing called "character". When I learned about OhInternet and its homogenization of ED, I didn't see it as a victory. I was, ironically, offended. And I was shocked to learn that despite all the weird, illegal things I would have done if I did them (which I didn't, forensics proves that), I actually have some character. I'm actually offended out of principle.

...My's ingenius. That's what they were going for, weren't they?! The next generation of shock sites! Offend people not with gross pictures or slurs, but with unprincipled behavior! Instead of goatse pictures, there will now be pictures of blatant advertising in movies and games! Instead of making fun some fat kid from DeviantArt, they'll make fun of sites that don't let you comment through a Facebook account! It offends me, but in an exciting new way!



Encyclopedia Dramatica is Dead Now: After of the Lulz Died (Part 1)

DeGrippo says that the biggest difference between OhInternet and Dramatica is that the new site has moved towards “a more toned down content style and a streamlined design: Shock for shock’s sake is old at this point and we’re looking forward to the future and how things are evolving … when you put user experience first, the language becomes highly important and that’s what we’ve done.”

...Wow. I still can't believe Encyclopedia Dramtica was taken itself. That's like Al Capone walking into the IRS headquarters and admitting he had been evading taxes because he got sick of being a mobster. Anyway, just to completely get this out of my system, let's see what former Special ED-ers have to say about this:

"Just wanted to say how excited I am and how awesome this is. We're working hard for the good of the internet, wrenching it away from the hands of the traitorous and rending it back into chaos and lulz, for the good of the tubes. Thank you for your fealty."
-Sherrod DeGrippo, (former) ED owner and an egotistical, greedy bitch HERO OF THE INTERNET!

"Granted the strikethroughs, unfunny meme speak etc are rampant in ED articles, they could easily be cleaned up."
-Some guy who clearly didn't realize that ED was made entirely of that shit

Somehow, within the depths of my heart, I knew this would happen. Things were getting too much out of control. ED was basically an anarchic wiki, and was going to explode. In all honesty I do better with SFW then NSFW.
-Some guy who obviously missed the entire fucking point of why Encyclopedia Dramatica existed

I felt like I had so much freedom at the old ED; now I feel like I'm on a G rated website. NO excessive cussing, NO nudity, NO racism, NO cuss words in your username...ect I feel like my freedoms have been taken away..... >:O FREEEEEEEEDOOOOM!!! Can we please bring back some of the old freedoms?
-A real ED user

I don't mean to be a prick, but shut up.
-Mr. Krabs, who, like all crabs, doesn't know what "irony" is

"I bet it was your kind that ultimately led to its closing. Now stop being a talk page editor and adapt like the rest of us to help with our new home."
-Mr. Krabs continued, also clearly had no goddamn clue that Encyclopedia Dramatica was all about (read: trashy shock value and personal feuds Wikipedia didn't put up with)

"So let me understand this completely. You're going to superimpose a new website where ED was, and expect all the old followers of ED to just deal with it? That's ridiculous. I'll say that I'm not a little thirteen year old immature editor, but I love that ED was that place that you could go to hear irrational comments about rational subjects and biased viewpoints blaming incomprehensible subjects. You've destroyed the internets. I understand you thought it may be a good idea to standardize and become something more respectful, but you've legitimately lost readers now. Bring back ED, before the internets do it for you."
-An obvious troll

"It's a poor move on the admin's part to just remove ED. It contained a ton of culture and history on it. That's like removing Wikipedia in favor of a brand new site with no content imported. If there was any sense in the matter, ED would at least become read-only on Kicking people out of a community they enjoyed is NOT a way to get any kind of readership. And you know, I've given "Oh, Internet..." a chance. I edited some pages with some funny, yet appropriate content and it was reverted. You've completely changed the concept of the website, and forced users out without any options. I just hope you guys can deal with the "encyclopedic drama" that you've (collective) created with this move."
-Obvious troll obviously continued

"What is this shitty copy of Know your Meme"
-The undeniably truth

And then there was much circlejerking.

My fucking God. This is shameful. This is like (Wait for it!) Hitler suddenly surrending during World War II, apologizing to the Jews, and banning all swastikas. It is a complete betrayl of who Hitler was and what the Nazis were. There is less evil in the world now, but it is not right. The cosmos is not in balance! Snake Mountain lies still! No one wears the crown of the Lich King! This cannot and should not be!

God help me...I'm remaking Encyclopedia Dramatica. The internet must not be sterilized. It must be honest, as hideously disgusting as that honesty is. It must not be ashamed, as much as it has to be ashamed of.

Edit: There was a link to my own shameful attempt to restore evil to the Great Balance, but stupid-ass me, why did I think people who actually liked the damned place wouldn't reconstruct it? Go here instead:

If you find my ED mirror (Son of Encyclopedia Dramatica), I think the admin password was "neverwillguess", or something similar. Leave nothing but dust and ashes.


Thursday, April 14, 2011


Guess what happens when you try to go to ED, as of today? Here:

HOLY FUCKING SHIT, DEGRIPPO SOLD YOU ALL OUT! Encyclopedia Dramatica is dead, and all links to it now redirect you to this generic webcrap site that's a shadow of ED's former self! DeGrippo sold out every goddamn troll on the internet!

...I...I'm honestly conflicted. This is like when I first heard about Dragonball Evolution. I wanted to win...but not like this. This isn't right. God help me, this just isn't right. Not at all!

It goes against my own interests to not laugh hysterically over the most offensive shithole on the internet getting retooled into a non-threatening, corporate money-whoring piece of crap, but I honestly do feel bad for each and every one of you stupid, obnoxious punks that hung out there. Dare I actually say that...maybe I have standards, even when it comes to the things I hate? That no one and nothing, no matter how much I despise them, should fall because of betrayl? I tell myself otherwise, but...damn it all, there are just certain things that- THE FUCK IS THIS?!

It's hard writing with a mouse...


Of all the self-righteous bullshit...

So...lemme get this straight: Encyclopedia Dramatica was founded because Wikipedia wouldn't let some assholes abuse it just so they could piss and moan about people they hate? (No points for irony, folks. This is just a little nothing blog.)

Well, thanks a lot, DeGrippo, you arrogant, self-important bag of cunts. I was feeling genuine sympathy for my hated enemies, and you go and ruin the mood by pretending that Encyclopedia Dramatica was anything other than a bunch of kids trying to one-up South Park and being pots bashing kettles for being black. Good job.

Trolls, orcs, goblinoids of all kinds, you have my sympathies.


Enyclopedia Dramatica: The Blog That's Nothing Like Encyclopedia Dramatica At All

I, ladies and gentlemen, am a jackass who can't let anything go. Noticing Fast Stalin swept the "Locked Pages" link under the rug (by the way, if anyone doubts Fisherman Eddie's batshit insane dictatorship, click here for a bussle full of truths) I wondered if Encyclopedia Dramatica had any new dirt on the place. Sure, I utterly loathe ED, but I'm not above using the things I hate to my advantage. I like to think of it as being pragmatic, because the word sounds all fancy and smart. Anyway, I got this:

Now, this was just after I noticed people were actually reading my blog, so I leapt to the most logical conclusion: ED banned access from me, just as Fast Eddie would, just because of this blog. But I'm just being paranoid, of course. I mean, that would be incredibly immature and pathetic and IT'S TOTALLY A POSSIBLITY, ISN'T IT? (Edit: As it turns out, this was legit and I'm a silly little man living in a silly little world.)

Anyway, let's take a look at that blog they mentioned. Hoo boy! Probably gonna all "niggerfag" this and "goatse suicide" that! Y'know, shit that's still edgy after many, many years! Oh man, this is gonna blow my mind the first time I see, then quickly get tired and unfunny when you realize there's not much beyond the cheap shock value! (Yeah, don't say anything, you.)

...What the hell is this?

Yeah, this blog? It's just Sherrod DeGrippo pimping her generic internet crap aimed at the equally generic 18-34 year old demographic. Who wants to bet "Videos" are just some crap they found on YouTube?

Goddamnit, I was joking!

Let's see..."Images" is about...anything with an image, "Links" articles on the site...I..."Research" know what? I'm just gonna say it's a shotgun blast of random junk, currently topped off by- HAHAHAHAHA, what the fuck is this? In writing that much about internet culture, aren't you taking it a little seriously? And then there's that whole "don't take things seriously" business so seriously, and then- Hold up, did they rip off Cracked's Top Number list gimmick?! Sheesh...anyway, the rest is just links to the same articles, which really makes me wonder why there are even different sections in the first place.

Good lord. I was just being pessimistic when I called this a generic internet crap site, but geez, man.

This is what it looks like when you put the glasses on.

And now I'm sad and bored at the same time.

Edit: Look up "Encyclopedia Dramatica" now, click on any link, see where it takes you. With all the bad blood between me and them, I think I should address this in its own entry.



Remember that last post I made about Encyclopedia Dramatica because it's not like I have family and friends to bitch about this stuff to, like a normal person? Well, one month later:

"No one reads your blog. No one cares. Stop posting.

Love, mom.

P.S. put those empty soda cans in the recycle bin, they're piling up by your computer."


You're reading my blog, you're bitching and moaning over a month old post, you lose.

(Edit: What's that? A comment whining about my whining? Goodness, whoever could that be from?
See, the thing is practically no one knows of my existence, let alone the existence of this blog. Now, you tell me, who else could it possibly be than the very same jackass who's now getting all high and mighty with me just to appear to be the bigger person? You can't win in a battle of logic with me, sport, so quit while you're ahead.)

By the way, protip: I've never responded well to people telling me what to do, especially not whiny little bitches who's best retort is to give orders to a total stranger. Hence this entry!

But hey, don't let me stop you from making an even bigger ass out of yourself in front of all the one or two people who stumbled across this place while looking for child pornography. (Edit again: As you're clearly doing, I see. You know, you could just walk away and go read a book or something.)


P.S.- Encyclopedia Dramatica now has a blog...that's nothing at all like Encyclopedia Dramatica and about random internet crap. Guess what I'm going to waste precious time and effort on now?

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

The Most Egotistical Motherfucker IN THE WORLD

I'm sorry, but...Jesus fucking Christ:

"NOTE: You need to read this if you want to comment on my mod! If you don't pay attention and go by what I am saying, you won't be happy. I DO NOT tolerate any harsh criticism AT ALL. If you've got something mean to say, either keep it to yourself or alter the words to make it nice and include a smiley face or something... My previous experience of having people ridicule my mod was unpleasant and if it happens again, you won't have a happy life on the Nexus... I can guarantee...

That's not saying everyone will hate this mod, some people will like it. I'm giving a friendly warning to people who want to say stuff about this mod's improvement.

Instead of, "Hey, your mod sucks. I hate it because it adds +1/-1 to your S.P.E.C.I.A.L and barely anything else. Screw you!"

Write this, "Hey, your mod isn't as good as I thought it would be, sorry to say. I found it repetitive with the +1/-1 S.P.E.C.I.A.L. I would love to see something that makes it alter other stuff, like accuracy and DT. :)"

You have been warned."

Wow. Just wow. I can't say anything because the mods there, like fucking everywhere nowadays, will ban you if you dare not where a shit-eating grin all the time and dare bruise someone's poor ego, but still...Jesus, look at that shit! He throws a fucking tantrum, and then he pretends he's some sort of badass who's all connected and shit.

Oh, and he's (supposedly) a 29 year old dude who named his (equally supposed) production company "Shadow Ninja Productions" or something else a fucking thirteen year old boy would come up with.



Thursday, April 7, 2011

Satanic Gay Caveman: A Lightning Rod For Dumbasses

...Well, after looking at this picture, that seemed like the logical title:

By the way, you can tell it's a gay (or, they seriously said this, transgender) caveman because he was buried with girl caveman shit. That's seriously their theory. No, The Onion had nothing to do with this. Some asshole took a look this caveman buried with stuff usually found buried with cavewomen, and they seriously just went "Must be gay or transgender! After all, all gay guys are basically women and there was totally such a thing as crossdressing in caveman days! DERPITY DOO!".

Oh lord, you do not seriously want to see what people are saying about this...oh, yes, you do:

"I totally thought this was an Onion article and wasn't even going to read it..."

As did we all.

"archeology, the most unscientific science"

Oh snap! This must be from that guy who made XKCD, WHO'S TOTALLY FUCKING RACIST!

"Science: closing minds permanently since 1864."

...What? 1864? Was that when science was invented? Was everything leading up it magic before?

"Yes, now stop using your computer as it obviously does not work. In reality you are staring into the abyss with your eyes wide open, your fingers are moving around aimlessly on a cloud minute water droplets. Nothing is real, it is all in your mind."

Hey, a breath of fresh not stupid! Take it in, because now thing really get retarded.

"Don't you mean, "Science: Bitch-slapping religious Dogma since, like, FOREVER?"

And before you get religious-righty on us, just remember it was the Vatican who imprisoned Galileo and Copernicus for PROVING the earth was round, and NOT the center of the universe.

Granted, the Vatican did apologize for their actions... in f**king 1985."

Yeah, because the current human understanding of the world can explain everything always and for- Oh wait, scientists have just learned that eggs really are bad for you. Also, all religious people are conservative extremists and...the Vatican? What? Well, that can't possibly lead to a big rambling clusterfuck of nonsense by that same person who thinks science is closed minded (well, I guess it is if you're this idiot, apparently):

"Don't pitch anti-Vatican dogma at me as if I were obligated to defend it. The Bible said that the earth is round (Is 40:22). You could have been using technological advances to update your understanding of what a God *could* be. You could have used the benefit of the internet's power to connect to people and sources to the end of researching these words that ancient peoples believed were important enough to translate and copy by hand for centuries. You could have made sure your opinions were based on reliable and honest translations but popular atheism has, instead, established itself on the basis of the innumerable (and quite dated) lies and errors of the catholic church as if they had the theism market cornered.

That army of child molesters is the most corrupt, deceptive and least beneficial of any organization in the history of man (at least until the advent of the US MilitAry indusTRIal compleX). The only things they weren't wrong about were they things they willfully lied about. Don't come to me with what the Vatican said because to do thus relegates your position to the status of "straw man".

Finally, science is not the opposite of religion. By attempting to use bones and math to explain the origin of the universe and man's purpose therein, science has stepped into the context of religiosity and has thus become a religion. It's big selling point (and all religions have one) is that the adherent gets to also be the deity.

Your creation myth is more ridiculous than any other because you insist that the only possible explanation for *everything* is *nothing*. And, what's worse, you backed yourself into a corner attempting to "prove" it with a one-sided story that amounts to nothing more than wishful thinking. You're no better than any religious person--you're not even different. What you are is immoral, misguided and exceedingly dangerous to the planet and everything on it."

...Wait, what? And wait a minute, did he hide the word "MATRIX" in "industrial military complex"?

Okay, I'm walking away now.


Friday, April 1, 2011


I can't believe I'm saying this, but President Barack Obama has been assassinated:

APRIL FOOLS! HA HA HA! Aren't I a scamp?

By the way, I'll just leave this here:

I seriously came up with this idea before I found that article. I thought "Hey, what's the most horrible April Fools prank I could pull?", and, as if by divine lol-tervention, I found that.


Tuesday, March 22, 2011

The Father of AIDS

From FrankenBleach Incarnate, editted so very slightly:

Kenpachi's dad makes a good point.


Sunday, March 20, 2011

My Thoughts on Slave Maker 3

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Seriously. Lesbian sex slave trainer. Super seriously.



Wednesday, March 9, 2011

NPR President Forced to Resign For Calling Tea Party Racist (WHICH THEY TOTALLY FUCKING ARE!)

Holy shit, internet, you read my mind!


Hack Group Declares Cyberwar Against US Government

Oh fucking Christ, please don't be "Anonymous", please don't be- GODDAMN SON OF A FUCKING WHORY BITCH! Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit! Your ignorance of internet culture- shit that your punk-ass 15 year old son can tell you about- makes me vomit and cry with unfathomable rage! Vomit and cry!

“It’s a guerilla cyberwar — that’s what I call it,” said Barrett Brown, 29, who calls himself a senior strategist and “propagandist” for Anonymous.

Bullshit! You are the senior bullshitter for The Country Bear Bullshit Jamboree, you fucking prick! Rolling with Fox News' criticial research failure was annoying enough, but that was years ago. Time to grow the fuck up and get a life, or fuck with Google! These assholes own half the internet! I can't sign into this very blog and YouTube with two different account, despite the fact that these two websites are not related! Instead of going to federal prison because you thought one of the world's greatest goddamn nuclear superpowers was like a fat kid whining on YouTube videos, how 'bout you quit playing make believe and help free your true homeland: The internet.

Please. I implore you think about this.


Monday, March 7, 2011

Encyclopedia Dramatica: Let's Bring Up This Shit Yet Again

Now, I was over this topic. The current kick I'm on is steampunk. Anyway, I decided to drop by this blog to see if there was anything new. I skimmed over older posts, and holy fucking shit, Encyclopedia Dramatica is way the fuck worse than some sea captain descending a website into despotism!

Not to obsess over this or anything, but apparently, Encyclopedia Dramatica and the tools that run it:

-Was formerly run by a drunken retard who blew his brains out because the internet told him to.
-Will give you advise on committing what one could consider cyber terrorism because posting dirt on people is terrific when it's not them.
-Are dirty goddamn lying sons of bitches who will absolutely censor themselves.
-Will DMCA your ass if you dare post their shit. Yeah, despite the fact that their imaginary scapegoat formerly used pictures stolen from some random guy and, like I've mentioned before, they're post your personal info if you DMCA them. (edit: And they'll use blatantly false information when writing out a DMCA form...which I'm kinda sure is goddamn illegal. I refuse to believe Kalamazoo is a real town, or if it is, it's name is real and not part of an elaborate joke to bring in tourists.)
-Have no sense of irony, much like Mr. Krabs.

...Goddamn. I know I'm just going off of blind faith here, taking the word of an internet stranger, but try looking up "nigger", "jew", or "offended". "Jew" and "offended" are now ultra-PC. Yeah, I get it, after years of being offensive...yeah. Funny. But "nigger" (and "aboriginal") have been removed, wait.

Oh! Oh, I see what you did there! You deleted all the offensive crap, appearing to cave in to pressure, then make something offensive! That's so satirical!

sat·ire   /ˈsætaɪər/

1. the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.
2. a literary composition, in verse or prose, in which human folly and vice are held up to scorn, derision, or ridicule.
3. a literary genre comprising such compositions. 3. a literary genre comprising such compositions.
4. Acting like a emotionally crippled dickhead with no social skills and making excuses for it. Also see "Autistic", "Freudian Excuse".


Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Nazifpour is an Incredibly Pretentious Cock

I mean, look at this:

Yeah, Spore dealt with some important religious issues, huh? Like THAT'S COMPLETE FUCKING BULLSHIT! And that's one of the less spit-take inducing things this asshole's written. Take a look at his other lists:

The Top 10 Games Which Deal With Important Moral Issues
The Top 10 Games Which Deal With Important Philosophical Issues
The Top 10 Games Which Deal With Important Political Issues
The Top 10 Games Which Deal With Important Psychological Issues
The Top 10 Games Which Deal With Important Social Issues

Guess how many of those have wannabe intellectual bullshit shoehorned in where it doesn't belong? All of them, you say? DING DING DING! Give the man a cupie doll! And did you also say that the #1 spot has "The X Game" in it? Oh snap! Welcome to the bonus round, mo-fo!

Deal lord, dare we actually take a look at some of these?

"Oni- Forgiveness"

How this deals important moral issues: If you choose not to kill someone, they'll show up Deus ex Machina and shit to help you with the last boss.

By the way, Konoko sure as shit does not "forgive" Griffin. She walks away, pissed off as fucking hell, and aside from the last boss, it doesn't effect the story at all. Did this dipshit actually play the game?

"Mirror's Edge- Peaceful resistance"

How this deals with important political issues: Running around is the same as picket- Wait a goddamn minute, can't you steal guns and punch dudes in the junk?! Double bullshit!

"Fallout 2- LGBT rights"

How this deals with important social issues: You could marry a hillbilly of the same sex or sleep with other women as a female character. Are you fucking kidding me? How...why...

I'd point out more examples of complete bullshit, but fuck this shit. Fuck it now and forever.


Anonymous Is Still Not An Actual Group

Years ago, I screamed this shit at the top of my lungs: That there is no "Anonymous". It was shitty scaremongering reporting by dumbfucks who didn't do any goddamn fact checking. See, in case you're a dumb motherfuck, "Anonymous" is your name when you post a comment somewhere where you don't need to register, like this very blog. Go ahead, try it out. See that? Now you're an internet terrorist and shit. Like, fight the power or something.

That was years ago. Guess why I'm pulling my fucking hair out.

S'yeah, "Anonymous" is back in the news. That's like watching the news and seeing over 9,000 Rickrolls, desu. It's old, it's tired, it's a big pile of goddamn nonsense. And here we are again, years later, with Stephen Colbert talking about it! Guess I can't blame him, though, since all his guests are boring, nothing ever changes, and he likes centaur shotas.

(In case you give in to morbid curiosity like I just did, that's centaurs that are shotas. Not shota-on-centaur. No, no wacky picture this time.)

And there's something else, but what is it? Oh yeah, everyone who ever jumped on the "Anonymous" bandwagon is a sheep. When you do what everyone else is doing, you're a conformist and your alignment cannot be chaotic, no matter what you claim.

You know what all these people who have automated password guessing programs hacker guys should do? Claim they're a part of a group whose name people are too cowardly to say on TV. Like, "The Cocky Shitfuckers" or something. They could hack sites and replace all the text with nothing but swear words.

That would amuse me for several minutes. Then I'd go start a Twitter feud with Daniel Tosh, because he's an obnoxious douchebag who only has work because he's showing YouTube videos on TV.

Christ, I hate him.


Saturday, February 19, 2011

The Superhero Sideshow: Make This Shit Yourself!

To celebrate being an Uncle Moneybags motherfucker and buying myself a lifetime subscription to Champions Online, I'm doing a series of entries in the precious moments I can pull myself away from the game about weirdo freaks in comics. This entry: Lee's (Useless) Super-Hero Generator, presented by Supreme Kl@w, the stinking hero who can explode at will!

Sadly, there's no Rob Liefeld Superhero Name Generator that I can find (which would combine violent nouns, violent verbs, and pouches). However, I came across something over 9,000 times better! Lemme just put this here and let you have fun:

Let's take a look at some of the heroes I got:

Eonziz Krystal (Eonziz-Krystal, Eonzizkrystal, Krystal Eonziz, Krystal-Eonziz, Krystaleonziz)
Power(s): Insect control, Heat vision
Source of powers: Extra-terrestrial unknown
Weapon: Dark Bombs
Transportation: Manga Horse (Great name for a superhero, by the way.)

General Rhnige (General-Rhnige, Generalrhnige, Rhnige General, Rhnige-General, Rhnigegeneral)
Power(s): Enhanced senses
Source of powers: Extra-terrestrial meditation
Weapon: Terra Saxophone
Transportation: Sub-rainbow (Great idea for Champions Online, actually. Like Lightspeed or one of those Flight powers with special effects...but with a extra-dimensional rainbow.)

Admiral Odhs (Admiral-Odhs, Admiralodhs, Odhs Admiral, Odhs-Admiral, Odhsadmiral)
Power(s): Glows in the dark, Adhesion, Water control
Source of powers: Extra-terrestrial willpower
Weapon: Holy Gel
Transportation: Father Motorhome (Another great name for a superhero.)

Supreme Kl@w (Supreme-Kl@w, Supremekl@w, Kl@w Supreme, Kl@w-Supreme, Kl@wsupreme)
Power(s): Odor generation, Explodes, Energy blasts
Source of powers: Extra-terrestrial biotechnology
Weapon: Stellar Spitballs
Transportation: Ambush Ship

Mie Star (Mie-Star, Miestar, Star Mie, Star-Mie, Starmie)
Power(s): Mind-numbing beauty/ugliness, Image projection
Source of powers: Extra-terrestrial near-death experience
Weapon: Gas Bullets
Transportation: Beta Camel

S@rgewave (S@rge-wave)
Power(s): Mind control
Source of powers: Extra-terrestrial chemical
Weapon: Atomic Flail
Transportation: Lion Wheel

Bronze Fwokbgttl (Bronze-Fwokbgttl, Bronzefwokbgttl, Fwokbgttl Bronze, Fwokbgttl-Bronze, Fwokbgttlbronze)
Power(s): Magnetism, Telepathy
Source of powers: Extra-terrestrial meditation
Weapon: Magic Claws
Transportation: Golden Pogo Stick (Another good idea for a Champions Online travel power.)

Masked Marvel (Masked-Marvel, Maskedmarvel, Marvel Masked, Marvel-Masked, Marvelmasked)
Power(s): Super spelling, Bullet-proof, Gadget creation
Source of powers: Mystic
Weapon: Plasma Javelin
Transportation: Sky Rocket

Sir Flash (Sir-Flash, Sirflash, Flash Sir, Flash-Sir, Flashsir)
Power(s): Super-human hand-eye coordination
Source of powers: Solar
Weapon: Ice Blade
Transportation: Racoon Capsule

Bee Tornado (Bee-Tornado, Beetornado, Tornado Bee, Tornado-Bee, Tornadobee)
Power(s): Light generation/control, Enhanced agility
Source of powers: Lycanthropy
Weapon: Sonic Neutralizer
Transportation: Copper Shuttle

Flaming Bug (Flaming-Bug, Flamingbug, Bug Flaming, Bug-Flaming, Bugflaming)
Power(s): Earthquake generation
Source of powers: Vampirism
Weapon: Laser Armor
Transportation: Prince Ship

Megamouse (Mega-Mouse)
Power(s): Escape artist, Plant control
Source of powers: Supernatural
Weapon: Particle Analyzer
Transportation: Bronze Zebra

Here are the villians, who somehow got fucking awesome names:

Wild Weirdo
Power(s): Omniscience
Source of powers: Willpower
Weapon: Magnowrench
Transportation: Commander Sled
(Note: This guy turned out perfect.)

Nuclear Phantom
Power(s): Amphibious, Invulnerability
Source of powers: Technology
Weapon: Solar Doohickey
Transportation: Supreme Slide

Battle Dragon
Power(s): Extra-dimensional travel
Source of powers: Divine intervention
Weapon: Ether Belt
Transportation: Fightingwing

Crimson Hitman
Power(s): Precognition
Source of powers: Nanotechnology
Weapon: Cosmic Mortar
Transportation: Tomorrow Houseboat

Fly Warlock
Power(s): Super strength, Earth/rock control
Source of powers: Lycanthropy
Weapon: Magic Blunderbuss
Transportation: Mother Tube

Countess Fury
Power(s): Unaided outer space travel, Smoke generation/control, Time manipulation
Source of powers: Spinach
Weapon: Flame Blade
Transportation: Starcopter

Death Golem
Power(s): Pyrokinesis, Magic spell casting
Source of powers: Paranormal
Weapon: Lunar Discs
Transportation: Wing Zamboni

Super Hitman
Power(s): Electrical generation/control, Radiation generation/control, Plant control
Source of powers: Solar
Weapon: Particle Scimitar
Transportation: Jade Skateboard

Bored Avalanche
Power(s): Electromagnetism
Source of powers: Gadgets
Transportation: Fly Sail

Rat Viking
Power(s): Time travel
Source of powers: Mythological god(ess)
Weapon: Silver Torpedos
Transportation: Flying Hydrofoil
(Note: WOW. You could easily create an entire story behind this guy!)

Winter Hillbilly (Winter-Hillbilly, Winterhillbilly, Hillbilly Winter, Hillbilly-Winter, Hillbillywinter)
Power(s): Plant control, Illusion casting (And no cryomancy/cryokinesis, oddly enough.)
Source of powers: Chemical
Weapon: Gravity Foam
Transportation: Insect Forklift

Ambush Wind (Ambush-Wind, Ambushwind, Wind Ambush, Wind-Ambush, Windambush)
Power(s): Luck, Empathy
Source of powers: Training
Weapon: Unobtainium Bullets
Transportation: Element Gateway

Robot King (Robot-King, Robotking, King Robot, King-Robot, Kingrobot)
Power(s): Cold generation, Omniscience, Extreme popularity
Source of powers: Cybernetics
Weapon: Magnojavelin
Transportation: Nuclear Seahorse

War Mistress (War-Mistress, Warmistress, Mistress War, Mistress-War, Mistresswar)
Power(s): Encyclopedic knowledge
Source of powers: Soul sold to Devil
Weapon: Slime Saber
Transportation: Screaming Cart

Thunder Djinn (Thunder-Djinn, Thunderdjinn, Djinn Thunder, Djinn-Thunder, Djinnthunder)
Power(s): Super strength, Omnidirectional sight, Radiation generation/control
Source of powers: Mutant
Weapon: Flaming Katana
Transportation: Doc Burro

Superhero teams:

New Foursome (giggle)
Power(s): Power mimicry, Body transformation
Source of powers: Psychic
Weapon(s): Web Pillow(s)
Transportation: Mighty Flight Ring(s)

Power(s): Hold breath indefinitely, Telekinesis, Odor generation
Source of powers: Solar
Weapon(s): Holy Wand(s)
Transportation: Captain Dinosaur(s)

Liberty Ten
Power(s): Super breath, Psychic
Source of powers: Training
Weapon(s): Mind Rod(s)
Transportation: Winged Stationwagon(s)

Justice Blasters
Power(s): Teleportation
Source of powers: Mystic
Weapon(s): Magic Nunchucks(s)
Transportation: Darecapsule(s)

Sovereign Two
Power(s): Intuition, Smoke generation/control
Source of powers: Mathematics
Weapon(s): Air Ionizer(s)
Transportation: Wonder Cow(s)

Zoo Sisterhood (If this didn't exist before, it will now. Though not as a superhero team.)
Power(s): Weapon mastery
Source of powers: Extra-dimensional
Weapon(s): Force Sling(s)
Transportation: Lion Van(s)

Beta Pachyderms
Power(s): Deus ex machina, Smoke generation/control, Water control
Source of powers: Mutant
Weapon(s): Hydroboomerang(s)
Transportation: Rocket SUV(s)

Liberty Pack
Power(s): Immortality
Source of powers: Meditation
Weapon(s): Holy Crossbow(s)
Transportation: Turbodroid(s)

Blackbelt Foursome
Power(s): Intangibility, Perfect pitch
Source of powers: Magic
Weapon(s): Gigarapier(s)
Transportation: Robot Nag(s)

Secret Two
Power(s): Poison resistance, Microscopic vision
Source of powers: Divine intervention
Weapon(s): Hyperflute(s)
Transportation: Suicide Juggernaut(s) (My thoughts on this one: :D!)

And finally, supervillian teams, which didn't quite succeed as well as the supervillian names:

Crime Trio (Trio Crime, Trio of Crime)
Power(s): Enhanced common sense
Source of powers: Chemical
Weapon(s): Turbo Revolver(s)
Transportation: Chameleon Bird(s)

Royal Vandals (Vandals Royal, Vandals of Royal)
Power(s): Direct computer interface, Empathy, Lycanthropy
Source of powers: Extra-dimensional
Weapon(s): Vibrorapier(s)
Transportation: Z-catapult(s)

Gorilla Manhunters (Manhunters Gorilla, Manhunters of Gorilla)
Power(s): Escape artist, Precognition, Radar sense
Source of powers: Mystic
Weapon(s): Sonic Venom(s)
Transportation: Y-wagon(s)

Wolf Tribe (Tribe Wolf, Tribe of Wolf)
Power(s): Photographic memory, Force blasts
Source of powers: Radiation
Weapon(s): Kinetic Javelin(s)
Transportation: Captain Car(s)

Mutant Four (Four Mutant, Four of Mutant)
Power(s): Shrinking
Source of powers: Near-death experience
Weapon(s): Electrohatchet(s)
Transportation: Hyperhouseboat(s)

Power(s): Light generation/control, Flame generation/control, Luck
Source of powers: Metahuman
Weapon(s): Anti-matter Lasso(s)
Transportation: Karate Rainbow(s)

Aristocratic Pack (Pack Aristocratic, Pack of Aristocratic)
Power(s): Matter consumption, Earth/rock control
Source of powers: Psychic
Weapon(s): Hydroscissors(s)
Transportation: Turbomoped(s)

Secret Men (Men Secret, Men of Secret)
Power(s): Plant control, Flight, Body transformation
Source of powers: Symbiosis
Weapon(s): Psi-katana(s)
Transportation: Mother Zip-line(s)

Delta Women (Women Delta, Women of Delta)
Power(s): Incomprehensibility, Martial arts mastery, Magnetism
Source of powers: Meditation
Weapon(s): Prototype Sceptre(s)
Transportation: Bullet Bike(s)

Imperial Two (Two Imperial, Two of Imperial)
Power(s): Enhanced common sense, Radiation generation/control, Extreme popularity
Source of powers: Mutant
Weapon(s): Web Whip(s)
Transportation: Armadillo Catamaran(s)

Alpha Squad (Squad Alpha, Squad of Alpha)
Power(s): Danger sense, Earth/rock control
Source of powers: Curse
Weapon(s): Hypermachine gun(s)
Transportation: Y-unicycle(s)

Mutant Sisterhood (Sisterhood Mutant, Sisterhood of Mutant)
Power(s): Enhanced common sense, Explodes
Source of powers: Raised by animals
Weapon(s): Lunar Bazooka(s)
Transportation: Speed Pony(s)

Wolftech (Wolf-tech)
Power(s): Animal control
Source of powers: Technology
Weapon(s): Gravizip gun(s)
Transportation: Black Bubble(s)

Secret Cronies (Cronies Secret, Cronies of Secret)
Power(s): Smoke generation/control
Source of powers: Genetic engineering
Weapon(s): Celestial Musket(s)
Transportation: Scarab Phone Booth(s)

Global Manhunters (Manhunters Global, Manhunters of Global)
Power(s): Force blasts
Source of powers: Electrocution
Weapon(s): Foam Pellets(s)
Transportation: Vibro Dinosaur(s)

And a few more heroes for the road:

Power(s): Hypnosis, Prehensile tail
Source of powers: Demonic mutant
Weapon: Ice Crossbow
Transportation: Detective Starship

Danger America (Danger-America, Dangeramerica, America Danger, America-Danger, Americadanger) (That would make a great name for a band!)
Power(s): Plant control
Source of powers: Mutant electrocution
Weapon: Foam Musket
Transportation: White Griffon

Brother Fire (Brother-Fire, Brotherfire, Fire Brother, Fire-Brother, Firebrother)
Power(s): Clairvoyance, Flight, Molecular control
Source of powers: Mutant super-goobers
Weapon: Vibranium Ionizer
Transportation: Space Ultralight

Albino Punisher (Albino-Punisher, Albinopunisher, Punisher Albino, Punisher-Albino, Punisheralbino)
Power(s): Deus ex machina, Elasticity
Source of powers: Mutant metahuman
Weapon: Thunder Hubcap
Transportation: Machine Burro

Frog Nimbus (Frog-Nimbus, Frognimbus, Nimbus Frog, Nimbus-Frog, Nimbusfrog)
Power(s): Super-human stamina
Source of powers: Mutant mathematics
Weapon: Dark Pencil (Which fits perfectly for a guy who got his powers from mutant mathematics. Good job!)
Transportation: Yak Catamaran

I love you, internet.


Friday, February 18, 2011

Freakin' Dickery

Okay, got all that ED stuff out of my system. Now, time for dickgirls!



Let's Provoke ED One Last Time

Okay, okay, this is getting old, but just one last thing. This:

I made this. This thing. Right here. I made this. It's Encyclopedia Dramatica-tan. I made it because Encyclopedia Dramatica is serious business.

Think I'm lying? Prove me wrong.


Thursday, February 17, 2011

Joseph Evens: Freedom Fighter (If He's Real)!

Update: He's apparently not. Yeah, either's that whiny shit is somehow supposed to be "comedy" because they're fucking sociopaths who are amused by cheap imitations of actual human emotions or, as I keep saying like I'm goddamn Rainman, ED is full of unfunny hypocrites. Don't know, don't care. Kill 'em all and you'll remove the problem eventually.

Not to stretch out an already too long and too serious (for a place called "Children Need Orgasms", anyway) entry, but Encyclopedia Dramatica owner Joseph Evens is apparently a jackass who is, ironically, a source of silly melodramatic nonsense (which you need to register to comment on, because Li'l Joey is such a firm supporter of freedom of speech and information)! Thank you, lord!

First, there was this thing that Li'l Joey said that I was just gonna leave in the comments section:

"While I act in complete compliance with both the civil and criminal codes of the United States of America, and am assured the right of free speech according to our Constitution..."

THE BILL OF RIGHTS! It's the Bill of Rights that grants you your precious freedom of speech that you love to abuse and deny to anyone who talks back, you dumb fuck. I know, I had to memorize the entire goddamn thing in in the 8th grade, if I remember right.

...But yeah, that's just nit-picking. No big deal, not worth writing another post about. Not when he gives us this:

"Welcome to the one world government, folks. Is this what you wanted? Is this what you had in mind? Cause this is what you’re gettin’."

What the fuck did he just say?! What...what...wait, maybe I'm talking this out of context...

"So here’s the deal. This is an initial investigation into charging me, personally, with the violation of Australia’s Racial Discrimination Act. While I act in complete compliance with both the civil and criminal codes of the United States of America, and am assured the right of free speech according to our Constitution (which, if not the greatest political document in the entire history of law, is certainly on the top five) I can personally be jailed and fined for the violation of this law. Check out the court precedent they cite, Dow Jones & Co Inc v Gutnick, where a United States paper had to pay 580k for publishing an article about a globalized company headquartered in Australia and its CEO whilst completely in compliance with United States civil precedence. This isn’t a far-fetched legal theory, they have used it before. Welcome to the one world government, folks. Is this what you wanted? Is this what you had in mind? Cause this is what you’re gettin’."

"I can't throw around the word 'nigger' like it's going out of style and generally be a complete dickhead! ONE WORLD GOVERNMENT! IT'S LIKE 1984, MAN!"

Jesus Christ, Li'l Joey, calm your shit down. Next thing you know, our bridge-dwelling friend here is gonna say we should all switch to World of Warcraft currency because precious metals aren't worth whatever we say they are or anything.

"The house of cards is about to come down, and they’re making sure your mouths are taped shut first. Don’t say I didn’t warn you."

Whoa, whoa! Calm down there, Glenn Beck Joseph Evens! Easy now! Don't get...what's it call...ass anguish? Rump suffering? (Which is totally not real or anything when you do it!)

Jesus, what a loon. What's next, he's gonna claim he has family in-

"My counsel has advised me that I can never under any circumstances visit my family in Sydney again, nor otherwise make any appearances on Australian soil. Here’s to the hidden cost of freedom."

...This shit cannot possibly be real. I mean, if it was, then the fucking owner of Encyclopedia Dramatica is as much a whiny weirdo little bitch as everyone they make fun of!

"Joseph Evers is a fictional character created to deflect attention from the principals behind Encyclopedia Dramatica (ED). The true owners of ED are the members of Edrama LLC, and are likely to consist solely of Andrew John Thornton and Sherrod Ellen DeGrippo, seen above."

...Okay, fuck it. This shit's getting too "Metal Gear Solid 2" for me. But hey, wouldn't that be some delicious hypocrisy? They post other people's personal information, yet they hide behind an entirely fictional persona 'cus trolling isn't that funny when you're on the receiving end. That, or the administrator is just as much a drama bitch as everyone they make fun of. Either way, LAWLERBALLERZ!

Stay classy, ya fuckin' scumbags!

Update: OH GEE, WHAT IS THIS:!5741193/the-drama-with-encyclopedia-dramatica

"We began hearing rumors that the site was being shut down for good by its founder, twenty-something Sherrod DeGrippo"

Ya don't say. add to the list of complete bullshit, they might have stolen some guy's photo to have a scapegoat to hide behind. And that whole thing I commented on is complete bullshit they thought was funny, and not eye-rolling, groan-inducing nonsense. Jesus, are you kidding me? Do you people not have lives, or are you completely goddamn lying because, without all your precious profanity and hiding behind a computer miles away, you're nothing more than spineless punks?

Oh, and, uh...what else...

"Recently, administrators removed an article about Anonymous' pro-Wikileaks attacks on businesses after receiving a federal court order telling them to do so."

Now there's some goddamn lawlz! They pull all sorts of shit, but when the bigger dog tells them to do something, they back the fuck down with their tails between their legs. There's your so-called messiahs, internet! They're not rebelling against rampant political correctness. They're just losers who will potentially ruin lives for ruining their fun, will throw tantrums when they get kicked off sites for being denied their precious fucking swear words (irony intentional), will throw you under the bus to save their own asses, and most importantly, they are not, never have been, and never will be funny.

...Yeah. Put that on my page, kiddies.


How to Actually Take Down Encyclopedia Dramatica

(Note to future scholars: This was an attempt to manipulate people into figuring out a way of taking down Encyclopedia Dramatica before DeGrippo went all Judas on it and made me realize I actually have standards. The new ED is alright in my book until they do something to provoke me!)

As you might have seen in my last entry, I had this super special update on how all those gosh darn trolls over at Encyclopedia Dramatica are really a bunch of fucking losers who, in addition to being unfunny hypocrites who think themselves as defenders of free speech or some bullshit like that, will cave if you use the law, of all things, against them. Guess what I'm gonna talk about? :3

Now first, let's take a look at the real Encyclopedia Dramatica. Let's strip it of all the disgusting shock shit that isn't shocking anymore, of all the tire memes that were never funny, of all the slurs just random festooned about in a poor man's attempt to seem edgy, and take a look at what they have to say about themselves:

Legal disclaimer, thinking that saying "nigger", "Jew", and "fag" over 9,000 times is parody and/or satire (Pro-tip: It's not.). Just ass-covering, not lulz. (Pay special attention to that "Correspondence with" bullshit, though. You'll see why later on.)

"Joseph Evers believes in freedom of information for all eternity."

Kinda wonder how true that's gonna be after this. Also, no lulz.

"Is ED racist/homophobic?
No it is not. While there is a lot of material on ED that many find upsetting, the admins come from a variety of backgrounds, races and sexualities. These people all understand satire and lulz, even when the minority group they are a part of is targeted, they know it was not a serious attack on them.

If you are part of a minority group and are offended by ED take note from PCBIZNUSS in the below video and try to understand we stand for free speech however threatened you may feel by that. After all, without free speech, no minority group would have ever received rights to begin with."

More excuses and a lack of understanding of what "satire" is. Again. So not lulz.

"What's with the æ ?
The proper spelling (SERIOUS BUSINESS! -Tabs) of Encyclopædia Dramatica includes the little æ; however, those characters are not allowed to be registered in domain names, so we used the mundane spelling. Feel free to use alt+145, alt+0230, or alt+z (option+' on OS X) if you'd like to experience it. As æ is confusing and mysterious like ED itself, it became the mascot for the site. æ is also a normal character in the Danish, French, and Norwegian alphabets."

Is this lulz? No, it's not. Not now, not ever.

And there's your so-called "messiah", angry kids of the internet. It's not "cool", it's not "hip". They say a bunch of shit, make fun of losers and crybabies, but think they're above all that. They are, in reality, no different than the losers and crybabies they make fun of. They think they are somehow special and their precious little asses shouldn't be mocked and laughed at. Ladies and gentlemen, I do not like that. No, I do not. I do not like that, Sam I Am.

Now for some real lulz.

You've heard of this "DMCA" thing, right? That's the "Digital Millennium Copyright Act". Basically, copyright law for the internet. And what is copyrightable? Everything you say and do forever. There are exceptions, of course, but that's the gist of it. So technically, if you really wanted to be anal retentive, you could have shit legally taken down if it used anything you made yourself. Fun abusing the law, ain't it?

Now, I'll just put this here:

Oh...wait a minute...see what they did there? Not only are they giving into the DMCA crap, but they're being passive-aggressive crybabies and posting personal information when the other crybabies refuse to be their bitch. They're posting people's personal information because some drama queen motherfucker refuse to take their shit, and are basically encouraging people to go beyond just making fun of their melodramatic antics and harass them in real life. Just because they couldn't get their way. Call me Mr. Morality, but that shit if fucked up. And just to be perfectly honest, I'm a petty, violent, vindictive, egotistical son of a bitch who's basically done this exact same shit before (not that different, you and I), but at least it was personal for me. I never tried to ruin and/or terminate someone's life by proxy just because they were whiny little bitches who DMCA'ed me (which has happened to me a few times on YouTube, by the way). I just posted nude photos of them and spread malicious rumors, like any other decent person would.

Is this shit legal? Unfortuantely, it technically is. Yeah, gay marriage and free healthcare? That shit will ruin our society! Posting personal information so people can harass, stalk, rape, murder, etc. that bitch on LiveJournal who fought back when you made fun of her? That shit is as American as apple pie and our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! U-S-A, you darkie socialist Muslim motherfuckers!

So...yeah, the title...kinda seems like a big, fat lie now, doesn't it? Well, I'm gonna walk away and take a nap now. If anyone posts personal information on Joseph Evers whoever the hell runs things there in the comments section...well, hey, that shit's legal, so what am I gonna do?

Other than lulz, I mean.


Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Breaking News: TV Tropes Deleted Encyclopedia Dramatica's Entry

Lemme tell something about Encyclopedia Dramatica, kiddies: The "cool" kids would have you believe it's "satire". It's not. Like Asperger's Syndrome (which I've never seen a single person claim to have and has become interchangable with ADHD despite being nothing fucking like it), the "cool" kids are dipshits who don't know what that means. No, lemme tell about Encyclopedia Dramatica: It's a sleazy shit-slinging site founded by South Park fans and 4Chan wannabes (sidenote: 4Chan has 30+ ish boards, and only one of them is that "internet hate machine" dipshits kept mentioning) that used to be for trashing moderators who banned them and ex-LiveJournal friends whose self-centered melodramatic bullshit they got sick of dealing with, then in a thinly veiled attempt to not look like they're just bitching about shit like everyone else, they toss around tire shit memes and offensive shit that was funny back when George Carlin said it in the 1970s. Oh, but don't ever call them out on that shit, because they will ban your ass within hours for daring to mock them! (No, it's not hypocrisy that they can't take being called out own their own shit! You just have butthurt and you're just being unfunny, unlike ED editors!) But nowadays, they take themselves even more goddamn seriously. They have actually gotten sick of their own shit and the whole reason their damned site exists! They helped stupid shit like "weeaboo" and "assburgers" get popular, and now, they are a fucking trainwreck held together with duct tape that barely even tries to be anything more than a site all about posting the dirt on "important" *giggle, snort* people on the internet. They, as Oscar Wilde would put it, royally fucking suck.

And I'm taking their side over TV Tropes.

Ya see, TV Tropes administrator Fast Eddie a fucking crybaby control freak, greedy prick, and professional sea captain who's most definitely crossed the moral event horizon by kicking the- Screw it, let's just call him an asshole.

See, it started off when I checked the locked pages out of morbid curiousity. Then I saw this:

...Yeah. Good job. Anyway, ol' ED was deadlinked, so I looked it up, and I learned two things: One, Fat Eddie (SEE WHAT I DID THERE?!) was the dickhead who deleted my calling out ED on it's hypocrisy. That alone makes me wanna break the fucking beardy motherfucker's legs. But two, and more importantly, Eddie finally lost his shit and deleted Enyclopedia Dramatica's entry! And he deleted it from "TV Tropes On Other Wikis", be Eddie is officially a huge fucking crybaby sack of fucking shit who's made the entire goddamn site about him.

So yeah, fuck his fat ass. Here's ED's entry on Fast Eddie's laundry list of bullshit TV Tropes:

Here's more on Fat Eddie's scorched earth-ing of ED from TV Tropes (with original article, sans my edit on them being hypocrites):

And here's the true TV Tropes, complete with calling out Crybaby Eddie:

Needs more love. Copy and paste stuff from TV Tropes there, then add all the shit Fatty Buttfuckshitcocks wouldn't let you add. Guess what my very first edit is going to be?

Super duper update: Wanted proof that the big, tough freedom fighters in the struggle against political correctness really are a bunch of fucking losers? Read this:

Absolutely, positively devoid of their precious lulz. See, for all the offensive bullshit and "lulz" crap, they're still fucking cowards who will bugger off with their tails between their legs because these hardcore badasses are afraid of breaking internet laws. They are no different that Venomfangx, that loser who had to issue a video apology for using vote bots to vote down the easily loser-y Thunderf00t (yes, for the love of God, we get that Creationists are idiots! Move on with you life, man!):

Corection: They're like Venomfangx if he went out of his way to start a fight with Thnderf00t, then posted his real name, phone number, and home address in public because he's a petty piece of human garbage who makes a huge deal out of his sneaky internet shit getting called out on.

Says I, the dude who wants to fuck up Fast Eddie for whitewashing his wiki edit. Hey, at least I'm well aware of the irony. That's something, right?