Saturday, February 19, 2011

The Superhero Sideshow: Make This Shit Yourself!

To celebrate being an Uncle Moneybags motherfucker and buying myself a lifetime subscription to Champions Online, I'm doing a series of entries in the precious moments I can pull myself away from the game about weirdo freaks in comics. This entry: Lee's (Useless) Super-Hero Generator, presented by Supreme Kl@w, the stinking hero who can explode at will!

Sadly, there's no Rob Liefeld Superhero Name Generator that I can find (which would combine violent nouns, violent verbs, and pouches). However, I came across something over 9,000 times better! Lemme just put this here and let you have fun:

Let's take a look at some of the heroes I got:

Eonziz Krystal (Eonziz-Krystal, Eonzizkrystal, Krystal Eonziz, Krystal-Eonziz, Krystaleonziz)
Power(s): Insect control, Heat vision
Source of powers: Extra-terrestrial unknown
Weapon: Dark Bombs
Transportation: Manga Horse (Great name for a superhero, by the way.)

General Rhnige (General-Rhnige, Generalrhnige, Rhnige General, Rhnige-General, Rhnigegeneral)
Power(s): Enhanced senses
Source of powers: Extra-terrestrial meditation
Weapon: Terra Saxophone
Transportation: Sub-rainbow (Great idea for Champions Online, actually. Like Lightspeed or one of those Flight powers with special effects...but with a extra-dimensional rainbow.)

Admiral Odhs (Admiral-Odhs, Admiralodhs, Odhs Admiral, Odhs-Admiral, Odhsadmiral)
Power(s): Glows in the dark, Adhesion, Water control
Source of powers: Extra-terrestrial willpower
Weapon: Holy Gel
Transportation: Father Motorhome (Another great name for a superhero.)

Supreme Kl@w (Supreme-Kl@w, Supremekl@w, Kl@w Supreme, Kl@w-Supreme, Kl@wsupreme)
Power(s): Odor generation, Explodes, Energy blasts
Source of powers: Extra-terrestrial biotechnology
Weapon: Stellar Spitballs
Transportation: Ambush Ship

Mie Star (Mie-Star, Miestar, Star Mie, Star-Mie, Starmie)
Power(s): Mind-numbing beauty/ugliness, Image projection
Source of powers: Extra-terrestrial near-death experience
Weapon: Gas Bullets
Transportation: Beta Camel

S@rgewave (S@rge-wave)
Power(s): Mind control
Source of powers: Extra-terrestrial chemical
Weapon: Atomic Flail
Transportation: Lion Wheel

Bronze Fwokbgttl (Bronze-Fwokbgttl, Bronzefwokbgttl, Fwokbgttl Bronze, Fwokbgttl-Bronze, Fwokbgttlbronze)
Power(s): Magnetism, Telepathy
Source of powers: Extra-terrestrial meditation
Weapon: Magic Claws
Transportation: Golden Pogo Stick (Another good idea for a Champions Online travel power.)

Masked Marvel (Masked-Marvel, Maskedmarvel, Marvel Masked, Marvel-Masked, Marvelmasked)
Power(s): Super spelling, Bullet-proof, Gadget creation
Source of powers: Mystic
Weapon: Plasma Javelin
Transportation: Sky Rocket

Sir Flash (Sir-Flash, Sirflash, Flash Sir, Flash-Sir, Flashsir)
Power(s): Super-human hand-eye coordination
Source of powers: Solar
Weapon: Ice Blade
Transportation: Racoon Capsule

Bee Tornado (Bee-Tornado, Beetornado, Tornado Bee, Tornado-Bee, Tornadobee)
Power(s): Light generation/control, Enhanced agility
Source of powers: Lycanthropy
Weapon: Sonic Neutralizer
Transportation: Copper Shuttle

Flaming Bug (Flaming-Bug, Flamingbug, Bug Flaming, Bug-Flaming, Bugflaming)
Power(s): Earthquake generation
Source of powers: Vampirism
Weapon: Laser Armor
Transportation: Prince Ship

Megamouse (Mega-Mouse)
Power(s): Escape artist, Plant control
Source of powers: Supernatural
Weapon: Particle Analyzer
Transportation: Bronze Zebra

Here are the villians, who somehow got fucking awesome names:

Wild Weirdo
Power(s): Omniscience
Source of powers: Willpower
Weapon: Magnowrench
Transportation: Commander Sled
(Note: This guy turned out perfect.)

Nuclear Phantom
Power(s): Amphibious, Invulnerability
Source of powers: Technology
Weapon: Solar Doohickey
Transportation: Supreme Slide

Battle Dragon
Power(s): Extra-dimensional travel
Source of powers: Divine intervention
Weapon: Ether Belt
Transportation: Fightingwing

Crimson Hitman
Power(s): Precognition
Source of powers: Nanotechnology
Weapon: Cosmic Mortar
Transportation: Tomorrow Houseboat

Fly Warlock
Power(s): Super strength, Earth/rock control
Source of powers: Lycanthropy
Weapon: Magic Blunderbuss
Transportation: Mother Tube

Countess Fury
Power(s): Unaided outer space travel, Smoke generation/control, Time manipulation
Source of powers: Spinach
Weapon: Flame Blade
Transportation: Starcopter

Death Golem
Power(s): Pyrokinesis, Magic spell casting
Source of powers: Paranormal
Weapon: Lunar Discs
Transportation: Wing Zamboni

Super Hitman
Power(s): Electrical generation/control, Radiation generation/control, Plant control
Source of powers: Solar
Weapon: Particle Scimitar
Transportation: Jade Skateboard

Bored Avalanche
Power(s): Electromagnetism
Source of powers: Gadgets
Transportation: Fly Sail

Rat Viking
Power(s): Time travel
Source of powers: Mythological god(ess)
Weapon: Silver Torpedos
Transportation: Flying Hydrofoil
(Note: WOW. You could easily create an entire story behind this guy!)

Winter Hillbilly (Winter-Hillbilly, Winterhillbilly, Hillbilly Winter, Hillbilly-Winter, Hillbillywinter)
Power(s): Plant control, Illusion casting (And no cryomancy/cryokinesis, oddly enough.)
Source of powers: Chemical
Weapon: Gravity Foam
Transportation: Insect Forklift

Ambush Wind (Ambush-Wind, Ambushwind, Wind Ambush, Wind-Ambush, Windambush)
Power(s): Luck, Empathy
Source of powers: Training
Weapon: Unobtainium Bullets
Transportation: Element Gateway

Robot King (Robot-King, Robotking, King Robot, King-Robot, Kingrobot)
Power(s): Cold generation, Omniscience, Extreme popularity
Source of powers: Cybernetics
Weapon: Magnojavelin
Transportation: Nuclear Seahorse

War Mistress (War-Mistress, Warmistress, Mistress War, Mistress-War, Mistresswar)
Power(s): Encyclopedic knowledge
Source of powers: Soul sold to Devil
Weapon: Slime Saber
Transportation: Screaming Cart

Thunder Djinn (Thunder-Djinn, Thunderdjinn, Djinn Thunder, Djinn-Thunder, Djinnthunder)
Power(s): Super strength, Omnidirectional sight, Radiation generation/control
Source of powers: Mutant
Weapon: Flaming Katana
Transportation: Doc Burro

Superhero teams:

New Foursome (giggle)
Power(s): Power mimicry, Body transformation
Source of powers: Psychic
Weapon(s): Web Pillow(s)
Transportation: Mighty Flight Ring(s)

Power(s): Hold breath indefinitely, Telekinesis, Odor generation
Source of powers: Solar
Weapon(s): Holy Wand(s)
Transportation: Captain Dinosaur(s)

Liberty Ten
Power(s): Super breath, Psychic
Source of powers: Training
Weapon(s): Mind Rod(s)
Transportation: Winged Stationwagon(s)

Justice Blasters
Power(s): Teleportation
Source of powers: Mystic
Weapon(s): Magic Nunchucks(s)
Transportation: Darecapsule(s)

Sovereign Two
Power(s): Intuition, Smoke generation/control
Source of powers: Mathematics
Weapon(s): Air Ionizer(s)
Transportation: Wonder Cow(s)

Zoo Sisterhood (If this didn't exist before, it will now. Though not as a superhero team.)
Power(s): Weapon mastery
Source of powers: Extra-dimensional
Weapon(s): Force Sling(s)
Transportation: Lion Van(s)

Beta Pachyderms
Power(s): Deus ex machina, Smoke generation/control, Water control
Source of powers: Mutant
Weapon(s): Hydroboomerang(s)
Transportation: Rocket SUV(s)

Liberty Pack
Power(s): Immortality
Source of powers: Meditation
Weapon(s): Holy Crossbow(s)
Transportation: Turbodroid(s)

Blackbelt Foursome
Power(s): Intangibility, Perfect pitch
Source of powers: Magic
Weapon(s): Gigarapier(s)
Transportation: Robot Nag(s)

Secret Two
Power(s): Poison resistance, Microscopic vision
Source of powers: Divine intervention
Weapon(s): Hyperflute(s)
Transportation: Suicide Juggernaut(s) (My thoughts on this one: :D!)

And finally, supervillian teams, which didn't quite succeed as well as the supervillian names:

Crime Trio (Trio Crime, Trio of Crime)
Power(s): Enhanced common sense
Source of powers: Chemical
Weapon(s): Turbo Revolver(s)
Transportation: Chameleon Bird(s)

Royal Vandals (Vandals Royal, Vandals of Royal)
Power(s): Direct computer interface, Empathy, Lycanthropy
Source of powers: Extra-dimensional
Weapon(s): Vibrorapier(s)
Transportation: Z-catapult(s)

Gorilla Manhunters (Manhunters Gorilla, Manhunters of Gorilla)
Power(s): Escape artist, Precognition, Radar sense
Source of powers: Mystic
Weapon(s): Sonic Venom(s)
Transportation: Y-wagon(s)

Wolf Tribe (Tribe Wolf, Tribe of Wolf)
Power(s): Photographic memory, Force blasts
Source of powers: Radiation
Weapon(s): Kinetic Javelin(s)
Transportation: Captain Car(s)

Mutant Four (Four Mutant, Four of Mutant)
Power(s): Shrinking
Source of powers: Near-death experience
Weapon(s): Electrohatchet(s)
Transportation: Hyperhouseboat(s)

Power(s): Light generation/control, Flame generation/control, Luck
Source of powers: Metahuman
Weapon(s): Anti-matter Lasso(s)
Transportation: Karate Rainbow(s)

Aristocratic Pack (Pack Aristocratic, Pack of Aristocratic)
Power(s): Matter consumption, Earth/rock control
Source of powers: Psychic
Weapon(s): Hydroscissors(s)
Transportation: Turbomoped(s)

Secret Men (Men Secret, Men of Secret)
Power(s): Plant control, Flight, Body transformation
Source of powers: Symbiosis
Weapon(s): Psi-katana(s)
Transportation: Mother Zip-line(s)

Delta Women (Women Delta, Women of Delta)
Power(s): Incomprehensibility, Martial arts mastery, Magnetism
Source of powers: Meditation
Weapon(s): Prototype Sceptre(s)
Transportation: Bullet Bike(s)

Imperial Two (Two Imperial, Two of Imperial)
Power(s): Enhanced common sense, Radiation generation/control, Extreme popularity
Source of powers: Mutant
Weapon(s): Web Whip(s)
Transportation: Armadillo Catamaran(s)

Alpha Squad (Squad Alpha, Squad of Alpha)
Power(s): Danger sense, Earth/rock control
Source of powers: Curse
Weapon(s): Hypermachine gun(s)
Transportation: Y-unicycle(s)

Mutant Sisterhood (Sisterhood Mutant, Sisterhood of Mutant)
Power(s): Enhanced common sense, Explodes
Source of powers: Raised by animals
Weapon(s): Lunar Bazooka(s)
Transportation: Speed Pony(s)

Wolftech (Wolf-tech)
Power(s): Animal control
Source of powers: Technology
Weapon(s): Gravizip gun(s)
Transportation: Black Bubble(s)

Secret Cronies (Cronies Secret, Cronies of Secret)
Power(s): Smoke generation/control
Source of powers: Genetic engineering
Weapon(s): Celestial Musket(s)
Transportation: Scarab Phone Booth(s)

Global Manhunters (Manhunters Global, Manhunters of Global)
Power(s): Force blasts
Source of powers: Electrocution
Weapon(s): Foam Pellets(s)
Transportation: Vibro Dinosaur(s)

And a few more heroes for the road:

Power(s): Hypnosis, Prehensile tail
Source of powers: Demonic mutant
Weapon: Ice Crossbow
Transportation: Detective Starship

Danger America (Danger-America, Dangeramerica, America Danger, America-Danger, Americadanger) (That would make a great name for a band!)
Power(s): Plant control
Source of powers: Mutant electrocution
Weapon: Foam Musket
Transportation: White Griffon

Brother Fire (Brother-Fire, Brotherfire, Fire Brother, Fire-Brother, Firebrother)
Power(s): Clairvoyance, Flight, Molecular control
Source of powers: Mutant super-goobers
Weapon: Vibranium Ionizer
Transportation: Space Ultralight

Albino Punisher (Albino-Punisher, Albinopunisher, Punisher Albino, Punisher-Albino, Punisheralbino)
Power(s): Deus ex machina, Elasticity
Source of powers: Mutant metahuman
Weapon: Thunder Hubcap
Transportation: Machine Burro

Frog Nimbus (Frog-Nimbus, Frognimbus, Nimbus Frog, Nimbus-Frog, Nimbusfrog)
Power(s): Super-human stamina
Source of powers: Mutant mathematics
Weapon: Dark Pencil (Which fits perfectly for a guy who got his powers from mutant mathematics. Good job!)
Transportation: Yak Catamaran

I love you, internet.


Friday, February 18, 2011

Freakin' Dickery

Okay, got all that ED stuff out of my system. Now, time for dickgirls!



Let's Provoke ED One Last Time

Okay, okay, this is getting old, but just one last thing. This:

I made this. This thing. Right here. I made this. It's Encyclopedia Dramatica-tan. I made it because Encyclopedia Dramatica is serious business.

Think I'm lying? Prove me wrong.


Thursday, February 17, 2011

Joseph Evens: Freedom Fighter (If He's Real)!

Update: He's apparently not. Yeah, either's that whiny shit is somehow supposed to be "comedy" because they're fucking sociopaths who are amused by cheap imitations of actual human emotions or, as I keep saying like I'm goddamn Rainman, ED is full of unfunny hypocrites. Don't know, don't care. Kill 'em all and you'll remove the problem eventually.

Not to stretch out an already too long and too serious (for a place called "Children Need Orgasms", anyway) entry, but Encyclopedia Dramatica owner Joseph Evens is apparently a jackass who is, ironically, a source of silly melodramatic nonsense (which you need to register to comment on, because Li'l Joey is such a firm supporter of freedom of speech and information)! Thank you, lord!

First, there was this thing that Li'l Joey said that I was just gonna leave in the comments section:

"While I act in complete compliance with both the civil and criminal codes of the United States of America, and am assured the right of free speech according to our Constitution..."

THE BILL OF RIGHTS! It's the Bill of Rights that grants you your precious freedom of speech that you love to abuse and deny to anyone who talks back, you dumb fuck. I know, I had to memorize the entire goddamn thing in in the 8th grade, if I remember right.

...But yeah, that's just nit-picking. No big deal, not worth writing another post about. Not when he gives us this:

"Welcome to the one world government, folks. Is this what you wanted? Is this what you had in mind? Cause this is what you’re gettin’."

What the fuck did he just say?! What...what...wait, maybe I'm talking this out of context...

"So here’s the deal. This is an initial investigation into charging me, personally, with the violation of Australia’s Racial Discrimination Act. While I act in complete compliance with both the civil and criminal codes of the United States of America, and am assured the right of free speech according to our Constitution (which, if not the greatest political document in the entire history of law, is certainly on the top five) I can personally be jailed and fined for the violation of this law. Check out the court precedent they cite, Dow Jones & Co Inc v Gutnick, where a United States paper had to pay 580k for publishing an article about a globalized company headquartered in Australia and its CEO whilst completely in compliance with United States civil precedence. This isn’t a far-fetched legal theory, they have used it before. Welcome to the one world government, folks. Is this what you wanted? Is this what you had in mind? Cause this is what you’re gettin’."

"I can't throw around the word 'nigger' like it's going out of style and generally be a complete dickhead! ONE WORLD GOVERNMENT! IT'S LIKE 1984, MAN!"

Jesus Christ, Li'l Joey, calm your shit down. Next thing you know, our bridge-dwelling friend here is gonna say we should all switch to World of Warcraft currency because precious metals aren't worth whatever we say they are or anything.

"The house of cards is about to come down, and they’re making sure your mouths are taped shut first. Don’t say I didn’t warn you."

Whoa, whoa! Calm down there, Glenn Beck Joseph Evens! Easy now! Don't get...what's it call...ass anguish? Rump suffering? (Which is totally not real or anything when you do it!)

Jesus, what a loon. What's next, he's gonna claim he has family in-

"My counsel has advised me that I can never under any circumstances visit my family in Sydney again, nor otherwise make any appearances on Australian soil. Here’s to the hidden cost of freedom."

...This shit cannot possibly be real. I mean, if it was, then the fucking owner of Encyclopedia Dramatica is as much a whiny weirdo little bitch as everyone they make fun of!

"Joseph Evers is a fictional character created to deflect attention from the principals behind Encyclopedia Dramatica (ED). The true owners of ED are the members of Edrama LLC, and are likely to consist solely of Andrew John Thornton and Sherrod Ellen DeGrippo, seen above."

...Okay, fuck it. This shit's getting too "Metal Gear Solid 2" for me. But hey, wouldn't that be some delicious hypocrisy? They post other people's personal information, yet they hide behind an entirely fictional persona 'cus trolling isn't that funny when you're on the receiving end. That, or the administrator is just as much a drama bitch as everyone they make fun of. Either way, LAWLERBALLERZ!

Stay classy, ya fuckin' scumbags!

Update: OH GEE, WHAT IS THIS:!5741193/the-drama-with-encyclopedia-dramatica

"We began hearing rumors that the site was being shut down for good by its founder, twenty-something Sherrod DeGrippo"

Ya don't say. add to the list of complete bullshit, they might have stolen some guy's photo to have a scapegoat to hide behind. And that whole thing I commented on is complete bullshit they thought was funny, and not eye-rolling, groan-inducing nonsense. Jesus, are you kidding me? Do you people not have lives, or are you completely goddamn lying because, without all your precious profanity and hiding behind a computer miles away, you're nothing more than spineless punks?

Oh, and, uh...what else...

"Recently, administrators removed an article about Anonymous' pro-Wikileaks attacks on businesses after receiving a federal court order telling them to do so."

Now there's some goddamn lawlz! They pull all sorts of shit, but when the bigger dog tells them to do something, they back the fuck down with their tails between their legs. There's your so-called messiahs, internet! They're not rebelling against rampant political correctness. They're just losers who will potentially ruin lives for ruining their fun, will throw tantrums when they get kicked off sites for being denied their precious fucking swear words (irony intentional), will throw you under the bus to save their own asses, and most importantly, they are not, never have been, and never will be funny.

...Yeah. Put that on my page, kiddies.


How to Actually Take Down Encyclopedia Dramatica

(Note to future scholars: This was an attempt to manipulate people into figuring out a way of taking down Encyclopedia Dramatica before DeGrippo went all Judas on it and made me realize I actually have standards. The new ED is alright in my book until they do something to provoke me!)

As you might have seen in my last entry, I had this super special update on how all those gosh darn trolls over at Encyclopedia Dramatica are really a bunch of fucking losers who, in addition to being unfunny hypocrites who think themselves as defenders of free speech or some bullshit like that, will cave if you use the law, of all things, against them. Guess what I'm gonna talk about? :3

Now first, let's take a look at the real Encyclopedia Dramatica. Let's strip it of all the disgusting shock shit that isn't shocking anymore, of all the tire memes that were never funny, of all the slurs just random festooned about in a poor man's attempt to seem edgy, and take a look at what they have to say about themselves:

Legal disclaimer, thinking that saying "nigger", "Jew", and "fag" over 9,000 times is parody and/or satire (Pro-tip: It's not.). Just ass-covering, not lulz. (Pay special attention to that "Correspondence with" bullshit, though. You'll see why later on.)

"Joseph Evers believes in freedom of information for all eternity."

Kinda wonder how true that's gonna be after this. Also, no lulz.

"Is ED racist/homophobic?
No it is not. While there is a lot of material on ED that many find upsetting, the admins come from a variety of backgrounds, races and sexualities. These people all understand satire and lulz, even when the minority group they are a part of is targeted, they know it was not a serious attack on them.

If you are part of a minority group and are offended by ED take note from PCBIZNUSS in the below video and try to understand we stand for free speech however threatened you may feel by that. After all, without free speech, no minority group would have ever received rights to begin with."

More excuses and a lack of understanding of what "satire" is. Again. So not lulz.

"What's with the æ ?
The proper spelling (SERIOUS BUSINESS! -Tabs) of Encyclopædia Dramatica includes the little æ; however, those characters are not allowed to be registered in domain names, so we used the mundane spelling. Feel free to use alt+145, alt+0230, or alt+z (option+' on OS X) if you'd like to experience it. As æ is confusing and mysterious like ED itself, it became the mascot for the site. æ is also a normal character in the Danish, French, and Norwegian alphabets."

Is this lulz? No, it's not. Not now, not ever.

And there's your so-called "messiah", angry kids of the internet. It's not "cool", it's not "hip". They say a bunch of shit, make fun of losers and crybabies, but think they're above all that. They are, in reality, no different than the losers and crybabies they make fun of. They think they are somehow special and their precious little asses shouldn't be mocked and laughed at. Ladies and gentlemen, I do not like that. No, I do not. I do not like that, Sam I Am.

Now for some real lulz.

You've heard of this "DMCA" thing, right? That's the "Digital Millennium Copyright Act". Basically, copyright law for the internet. And what is copyrightable? Everything you say and do forever. There are exceptions, of course, but that's the gist of it. So technically, if you really wanted to be anal retentive, you could have shit legally taken down if it used anything you made yourself. Fun abusing the law, ain't it?

Now, I'll just put this here:

Oh...wait a minute...see what they did there? Not only are they giving into the DMCA crap, but they're being passive-aggressive crybabies and posting personal information when the other crybabies refuse to be their bitch. They're posting people's personal information because some drama queen motherfucker refuse to take their shit, and are basically encouraging people to go beyond just making fun of their melodramatic antics and harass them in real life. Just because they couldn't get their way. Call me Mr. Morality, but that shit if fucked up. And just to be perfectly honest, I'm a petty, violent, vindictive, egotistical son of a bitch who's basically done this exact same shit before (not that different, you and I), but at least it was personal for me. I never tried to ruin and/or terminate someone's life by proxy just because they were whiny little bitches who DMCA'ed me (which has happened to me a few times on YouTube, by the way). I just posted nude photos of them and spread malicious rumors, like any other decent person would.

Is this shit legal? Unfortuantely, it technically is. Yeah, gay marriage and free healthcare? That shit will ruin our society! Posting personal information so people can harass, stalk, rape, murder, etc. that bitch on LiveJournal who fought back when you made fun of her? That shit is as American as apple pie and our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! U-S-A, you darkie socialist Muslim motherfuckers!

So...yeah, the title...kinda seems like a big, fat lie now, doesn't it? Well, I'm gonna walk away and take a nap now. If anyone posts personal information on Joseph Evers whoever the hell runs things there in the comments section...well, hey, that shit's legal, so what am I gonna do?

Other than lulz, I mean.


Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Breaking News: TV Tropes Deleted Encyclopedia Dramatica's Entry

Lemme tell something about Encyclopedia Dramatica, kiddies: The "cool" kids would have you believe it's "satire". It's not. Like Asperger's Syndrome (which I've never seen a single person claim to have and has become interchangable with ADHD despite being nothing fucking like it), the "cool" kids are dipshits who don't know what that means. No, lemme tell about Encyclopedia Dramatica: It's a sleazy shit-slinging site founded by South Park fans and 4Chan wannabes (sidenote: 4Chan has 30+ ish boards, and only one of them is that "internet hate machine" dipshits kept mentioning) that used to be for trashing moderators who banned them and ex-LiveJournal friends whose self-centered melodramatic bullshit they got sick of dealing with, then in a thinly veiled attempt to not look like they're just bitching about shit like everyone else, they toss around tire shit memes and offensive shit that was funny back when George Carlin said it in the 1970s. Oh, but don't ever call them out on that shit, because they will ban your ass within hours for daring to mock them! (No, it's not hypocrisy that they can't take being called out own their own shit! You just have butthurt and you're just being unfunny, unlike ED editors!) But nowadays, they take themselves even more goddamn seriously. They have actually gotten sick of their own shit and the whole reason their damned site exists! They helped stupid shit like "weeaboo" and "assburgers" get popular, and now, they are a fucking trainwreck held together with duct tape that barely even tries to be anything more than a site all about posting the dirt on "important" *giggle, snort* people on the internet. They, as Oscar Wilde would put it, royally fucking suck.

And I'm taking their side over TV Tropes.

Ya see, TV Tropes administrator Fast Eddie a fucking crybaby control freak, greedy prick, and professional sea captain who's most definitely crossed the moral event horizon by kicking the- Screw it, let's just call him an asshole.

See, it started off when I checked the locked pages out of morbid curiousity. Then I saw this:

...Yeah. Good job. Anyway, ol' ED was deadlinked, so I looked it up, and I learned two things: One, Fat Eddie (SEE WHAT I DID THERE?!) was the dickhead who deleted my calling out ED on it's hypocrisy. That alone makes me wanna break the fucking beardy motherfucker's legs. But two, and more importantly, Eddie finally lost his shit and deleted Enyclopedia Dramatica's entry! And he deleted it from "TV Tropes On Other Wikis", be Eddie is officially a huge fucking crybaby sack of fucking shit who's made the entire goddamn site about him.

So yeah, fuck his fat ass. Here's ED's entry on Fast Eddie's laundry list of bullshit TV Tropes:

Here's more on Fat Eddie's scorched earth-ing of ED from TV Tropes (with original article, sans my edit on them being hypocrites):

And here's the true TV Tropes, complete with calling out Crybaby Eddie:

Needs more love. Copy and paste stuff from TV Tropes there, then add all the shit Fatty Buttfuckshitcocks wouldn't let you add. Guess what my very first edit is going to be?

Super duper update: Wanted proof that the big, tough freedom fighters in the struggle against political correctness really are a bunch of fucking losers? Read this:

Absolutely, positively devoid of their precious lulz. See, for all the offensive bullshit and "lulz" crap, they're still fucking cowards who will bugger off with their tails between their legs because these hardcore badasses are afraid of breaking internet laws. They are no different that Venomfangx, that loser who had to issue a video apology for using vote bots to vote down the easily loser-y Thunderf00t (yes, for the love of God, we get that Creationists are idiots! Move on with you life, man!):

Corection: They're like Venomfangx if he went out of his way to start a fight with Thnderf00t, then posted his real name, phone number, and home address in public because he's a petty piece of human garbage who makes a huge deal out of his sneaky internet shit getting called out on.

Says I, the dude who wants to fuck up Fast Eddie for whitewashing his wiki edit. Hey, at least I'm well aware of the irony. That's something, right?


Sunday, February 13, 2011

The Superhero Sideshow: The Prankster

To celebrate being an Uncle Moneybags motherfucker and buying myself a lifetime subscription to Champions Online, I'm doing a series of entries in the precious moments I can pull myself away from the game about weirdo freaks in comics. This entry: The Prankster!


I've already told you about The Prankster. He was a stupid asshole with no friends, his family hated him, Mrs. Buttersworth was his imaginary wife, he lived in a dumpster, he ate garbage, he slept in a bed of his own feces, he drove a pretend car made of dog farts, he sucked his own dick, he died of breast cancer, and they threw his dead body into the sewer. The Prankster was a walking abortion who always had pennies in his goddamn ears and peace came to the Middle East when he died. The end. But long before he was bugging the shit out of me with his weirdo haiku-ish style rantings about Islam and his lost memories, he tried that exact same shit to get the password to some email account. Yeah, he's a complete fucking idiot, isn't he?

...Oh, and he was a Superman villian. Let's pretend we give a shit and a take a look at this bag of horse cunts.

The original Prankster is Oswald Loomis, a criminal and conman who uses elaborate practical jokes to commit crimes. In his debut in Action Comics #51, the Prankster and his assistants break into a series of banks and force the employees to accept money. After he becomes famous for this joke, the Prankster enters into yet another bank - and this time takes all the money. Superman, who had suspected the Prankster was up to no good, stops the robbery, but the Prankster manages to escape, presumably because he was off ruining Jimmy Olsen's life or space murdering Louis Lane.

The Prankster returns to plague the Man of Steel throughout the Gold and Silver Age. One of his more novel schemes was seen in Superman #22 (May/June 1943). The Prankster, with the backing of several criminal leaders, files a copyright to own the English language. This scheme works because people are dumb fucks. Once he gains legal ownership of the alphabet, the Prankster begins requiring payment of anyone using the written word. Superman is at first unable to do anything, as the Prankster is not breaking the law. Eventually, Superman realizes that this is stupid bullshit and beats the crap out the Prankster.

The Prankster's final Silver Age appearance is in the Alan Moore scripted story, Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow? (Superman #423).

This homeless man is Alan Moore. Seriously.

The Prankster, along with the Toyman, are unwittingly manipulated by Mister Mxyzptlk to discover Superman's secret identity. They succeed after kidnapping Pete Ross and torturing the information out of him, then killing him because Alan Moore couldn't lighten the fuck up if his beard depended on it. After managing to unmask take off Clark Kent's glasses in front of Lana Lang and others, the Prankster and Toyman are captured by Superman...who everyone now knows is Clark Kent. Or something. Maybe he used a robot. Hell, I don't know. I'm just channeling the Wikipedia here.

The first appearance of the modern age Prankster was in Superman vol. 2 #16 (April 1988), in a story written and drawn by John Byrne. Comedian Oswald Loomis is the host of the long running children's variety show called The Uncle Oswald Show. Don't know why they let him near kids. Anyway, when the ratings begin to fall, the show is canceled by its network WGBS. Loomis finds himself typecast and unable to obtain new employment. This is when he completely lost his shit. He married Mrs. Buttersworth, he lived in a dumpster and ate garbage because he was homeless now, and when dementia really kicked in, he started sleeping in a bed of his own feces, driving a pretend car made of dog farts, and sucking his own dick.

In Adventures of Superman #579 (June 2000), Loomis reappears with- WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?!

What the fuck?! What the fuck?! They turned into him, like, a fucking Mayan stripper with a rapist grin! This lunatic is the fucking Prankster?! The sack of cat turds I love to hate turned into this?! Jesus goddamn motherfucking, dicksucking, pickle-jarring Christ. I didn't think it was possible to ruin the goddamn Prankster- the stupid asshole who's high point in his villainous career was being the forefather of 4chan wannabes- but some asshole went and did it. I hate these times we live in.

Well, I'm going to remember The Prankster the way God intended him to be: A stupid asshole with no friends, hated by his family, had Mrs. Buttersworth as an imaginary wife, lived in a dumpster, ate garbage, slept in a bed of his own feces, drove a pretend car made of dog farts, sucked his own dick, died of breast cancer, and whose dead body was thrown into the sewer. The Prankster was- and in my heart, always will be- a walking abortion who always had pennies in his goddamn ears and peace came to the Middle East when he died.

The end.