Children Need Orgasms: Why Chris-Chan and His Trolls Remind Me of American Politics

So, I was wasting the precious time I have on this Earth reading about one of the greatest human trainwrecks in history last night. Then, suddenly, I realized something.

Y'know, I take a look at these so-called "trolls", and...there is so much time and effort invested here. I mean, look at all these damned pages! And not just emails, but phone calls. They just go on and on, and while they're screwing with him to a degree, there's an awful lot of trying to help the son of a bitch!

Now, in case you don't know anything about Christian Weston Chandler, I am barely exaggerating when I say he's worse than goddamn Hitler. He is truly one of the most detestable excuses of a human being I have ever heard about, and brother, that's really saying something.

When I really take the time to read this stuff, it's kinda...lame. They're messing with him, sure, but a lot of the time, it seems only so he'll listen to their advice. I've seen all this bargaining and time wasted on trying to help this abomination that proves time and time again that he's ultra retarded and just doesn't give a shit about you or anyone else that doesn't fit into his own agenda. Just as Chris repeatedly did the same stupid shit again and again (which is apparently the definition of insanity, by the way), so did these so-called "trolls" (who are just a bunch of goody-two-shoes motherfuckers if you ask me, which you totally did just now), who seem to have this weird pseudo-tsundere thing going on with him. Like, seriously, after several months of Chris officially having his spirit broken (thanks for overharvesting this wonderful resource, by the way), they're still monitoring his PSN thing!

And I realized something: Chris-chan and his trolls are the perfect allegory for Republicans and Democrats.

It makes perfect sense, right?! I'm not crazy, right?! Republicans are irredeemable assholes who just don't give a shit. Democrats are compromising pussies who can't seem to understand that the Republicans just don't give a shit. Republicans keep going "fuck you, I just don't give a shit", and Democrats keep tryin' give them a shit. Or something. I honestly don't know what I'm talking about.

And BlueSpike is like Ron Paul.