Monday, December 20, 2010

Let's Read An Email I Got That Totally Doesn't Get Creepy and Weird

So, my forum, Words of a Madman. Yeah. Do I got a link or anything in my profile? If not, no one's getting it now. See, an actual person apparently signed up. Being just a hair shy of being on the same level of lonely and sad as "The Bloody Board" (although having a punch of female sockpuppet accounts might give me the extra push), having a new member is a lot like making contact with aliens. Will they be friendly? Will they come to mock me about having written corny any fanfiction? Or will they be really weird and make me feel uncomfortable?

So, the latest member emailed me. He's still there, so...I'm staying away from there for now. Anyway, take my hand, friend, and join me as read an email that totally doesn't get creepy and weird:

"I like those avatar pics everyone whose an Imaginary friend has, could you make one for me?"

They're crappy MS Paint anime busts that I really want to replace with something better sometime. Also, I don't generally take requests from complete str-

"And could you teach me how to act."

...What? I mean, what? I'm a writer, video editor, game developer (eventually), complainer, and the source of the White Man's burden. "Actor" isn't in my list of credits.

"Am not very good in acting , But seeing that everyone here
is good at it , I am assuming were all just guys , and that
nobody here is a woman, right?? Maybe I shouldn't have
brought that up , very sorry , please forgive me."

There's me. Only me. Occassionally one other guy, but mostly just me. The "Imaginary Friends" group should give away that my girls aren't real.

"I have some questions , that i would like if you answered them
you don't have to , I am not commanding
u or anything,"

Well, yeah, probably should right up some sorta FAQ or something like-

"but what are we doing here?"


Believe me, it gets so much more existential.

"and what does W.o.a.m. stand for?"

Boku no Pico.

"I know somethings about anime , like that
bishouju ( sorry if its not spelled right ) means beautiful girl"

Oh, this can't possibly go in a weird direction...

"and that moe is something sorta like pedophilia ( though i wonder why is) atleast what all those conservative or whatever
there called sites say."


(Psst! Someone do an entry for "moe" at Conservapedia! Say it's pronounced like the name Moe and that it's Japanese pedophile cartoons.)

"So if i join this community
we have events and things?"

...It's a forum. A forum with one just pretending to be a bunch of girls to create the thinly veiled illusion that there's more than one painfully alone person writing every single post.

"do we meet in real life?"

It's a forum.

"I would like to meet in R.L. , rl does stand for Reality right?
and the L for Life ?
Am not smart or anything , Am not an adult,
and I am a real Teenager , but not all things are what they are cliched. ( srry for sounding stpid , since this is private
and we don't really know each other , this shouldn't hurt me right? ) I will sound stpid most often when I talk to you,"

When did I feel like this was some bizzare sort of "To Catch a Predator" thing? Well, it was about...

"I know this because I have problems in my life ,"


"am not trying to ask for a counselor , I am just interested in
this place , this forum , or idea sharing , human communication project."

"Human Communication Project". I can actually see my forum getting wrapped up in something like that. Specifically, any part that had to do with crippling isolation or something.

"When I was like younger * ( 3-5 yrs ago)
in like middle school, I was kinda like a loser"

...Okay, I'm not so mean that I'm going to say something to this.

" ,not that
tv loser , but a real loser. I had problems in my life."

...Well...maybe one little quip wouldn't hurt...

"I don't have enough time to explain , what thoughts were in my
head , lets just say I had problems , what sort , and kind i just can't explain"

NO! No, no, no! I know what's like to be all awkward and weird, so I shouldn't-

"There was this girl from Laos ( i think )"


Oh, c'mon! Can you blame me?! I mean, some random stranger signs up and all of a sudden starts talking to me about-

"She always brought manga to school"


...Dude...awesome idea, right there. Fist of the North Star...meets King of the Hill. That would be so goddamn manly...

"I felt werid , i mean , i felt ..... something i just can't explain"

See! SEE! This is what I was talking about! W-T-Fuck, man!

"i couldn't understand what would make somebody
bring things like that,"

In case you still think I'm being too mean...

"i mean i watched anime ,( in private)"

There are over 9,000 things I could say, but I'll go the clean route: "Sometimes, on really crazy nights, I'd watch Voltron! Maybe just flip out and watch five minutes of Sailor Moon! Wild times, I tell ya!"

"but i just can't see how people are that brave
to just do things not afraid of others opinion"

She brought manga to school! Am I missing some details here? Was it hardcore yaoi guro or something?

"( though its not the opinions that effected me ,
i could say maybe its my way of life/religion
since i was a muslim ,maybe i still am)"

Before you say something inflammatory (and I know you want to, internet)...I'm not a theologist or some big word thing like that, so can anyone tell me if manga is against anyone's religion? I'll even let you include cults.

"I hope I can become friends we you all."

And then the grammar improved, and it all turned into Engrish.

And, my friend, things get really weird.

"Maybe learn more about myself.
Maybe while am doing this i might remember
remember who i was."

...Wow. Just wow. All of a sudden, there's a story here. A story of discovering a lost you...remembering what brought you to this point...

Oh wait, it's just a total fucking weirdo who stumbled across my lonely little hole. Yeah, I'm backing the fuck away now...

Edit: Well, I banned him. He was acting way the fuck too weird, and I could tell this wouldn't go anywhere good. And if you think I'm just not giving the little weirdo a chance, here's this post:

"call me stupid but ehhhhh ....
Daimans site is racked

And well I know he has the ifrance going on to hold back the memories and all
but who is this Aldorlea Games corp.? WHO ARE THEY?!?!"

I'm not taking that out of context. At all. There was no previous post that referenced a single word he's talking about. No "Daiman", no "ifrance", no "Aldorlea Games Corp.". He seriously just went into a random thread and started making shit up. I can sorta appreciate the sheer insanity of that.

A shiny nickel to anyone who can tell me if any of that stuff is a reference to anything at all.


Friday, December 17, 2010

You Make Me Proud, Son

I made with at

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Didn't quite work out. But then someone posted this:

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

And when I posted this:

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Someone posted this:

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

I believe in the future.


Wednesday, December 15, 2010

XKCD Is Awful and Has Asperger's Syndrome

Hey, speaking of webcomics, you like XKCD? You do? Well FUCK YOU, SHITHEAD! As I've recently learned, XKCD, like its creator, is an irredeemable piece of dog and cat shit that pisses out its ass!

Oh, that's not good enough to convince you? Apparently, we got some elitst son of a bitch up in here whose opinion isn't formed by some guy on a wiki. Lemme educate your ass:

-It features stick figures. Simplicity is Mexican Islamofacist bullshit. If you don't try to make something look terrific, you might as well just go molest a child.

Image and video hosting by TinyPic
Pictured: Shit done right. Also, :D.

-Big wordy shit. Big wurds r pretentueous and gey. doent b smert cuz smurt wardz r presumuous and ghay adn u mayk webkomik 4 me soe doant be a retarted fargut..

Image and video hosting by TinyPic
Pretentious cocks at work.

-It's popular. Jesus fucking Christ, that pisses me off more than anything! If you're successful at anything, you're no better than goddamn Hitler! See, if something is popular, it only got that way because it's stupid. Most people are stupid because they refuse to acknowledge how much better I am than them, so only something stupid that could still be pretentious even though it's stupid could be popular. Logically, that means everyone who hates something popular are geniuses and not complete tools.

Image and video hosting by TinyPic
Sometimes, there's no need to put up a picture with a wacky caption.

In conclusion, Randall Munroe has Asperger's Syndrome.


Google Aids Me in My Sad and Shameless Self-Promotion

Oh, look what pops up first when you look up "OakFable" on Google:

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Click like a son of bitch here to see this fabulous shit!


IGN Is STILL Previewing It's Review of "World of Warcraft: Cataclysm"

Image and video hosting by TinyPic


Tuesday, December 14, 2010

9/11 Relief Workers: America's Worst Parasites

Republicans, after years of never forgetting 9/11, have finally wised up and realized what a bunch of parasites all those relief workers are. They get terminal sniffles, and do they suck it up? No! They feel like they're entitled, and all because they "risked their lives doing their jobs" and shit. Are Republicans not entitled to the sweat on their brow? "No!" say the 9/11 relief workers! "It belongs to people who risked their own lives trying to save others during the worst attack on this country since Pearl Harbor! We deserve your money, even if we don't kill darkies and towelheads for your amusement and ego! We demand handouts, because we're too good to die when our usefulness is at an end!"

But what if I told you, dear America, that there's a conspiracy here nearly equal to a socialist Muslim from Kenya becoming president? What if I told you that the real terrorists behind 9/11 are, in fact, the 9/11 relief workers?! Think about it! If you didn't want to pay for your own healthcare like any Christian would, what do you do? Commit a massive act of terrorism, of course! You get to play the hero, and when you catch the flu or get 9/11 cancer, the taxpayers get the bill! And all you have to do is risk your life and kill thousands of people, whose remains will float in the sewers for years to come! GENIUS!

Help spread the truth about 9/11 and the parasites! Go to Conservapedia and add this valuable, morally superior information that I totally didn't make up!


Saturday, December 11, 2010

The War on Christmas: The Counterattack on Christ

It's already that time of year again: To bitch and moan about people acknowledging that there are other- albeit far less interesting and fun- holidays in the month of December. It pisses me off that all these religious holidays suddenly become a big deal! Religion belongs in churches and temples, and shouldn't be sticking its ass into everything like some buttfuck that sucks his own dick. And why the hell wouldn't you celebrate Christmas? It's a fucking fun holiday! Songs, decorations, cartoon specials, Martian fighting; Christmas is full of awesome stuff to de-suck your sucky-ass life! You won't find this sort of stuff in those crappy religious holidays like Honuka Hanookah Hahnucha Jew Christmas Chanukah or Black Chanukah! So what's with these crappy religious (Kwanzaa is Chanukah for racist black people, so close enough) holidays hijacking the holiday season? Fucking cock and balls bullshit, right?

...Well, as it turns out, this isn't anything new. In fact, get this:

Christmas is technically a religious holiday.

Yeah, what the fuck, right? I'm just making this up to divide people over petty bullshit, aren't I? Well, as much fun as it is to inspire hate and sow the seeds of mankind's downfall, it turns out it's actually true! Yeah, the very first guy to hijack the holiday season was this asshole:

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Look at this cocksucker, ruining Christmas for everyone. Apparently, Christmas is this son of a bitch's birthday. Scholars and other smartasses like that say that being an asshole who ruins holidays dates back even further and that Christians just hijacked Pagan winter holidays by saying their Lord and Savior was born on their unholy day of celebrating how wrong and false their gods were. I say he's just a dickhead who wants to stick religion where it doesn't goddamn belong because he wants to control people's lives like an egotistical asshole. Looks like a goddamn terrorist of pedophile descent.

So that got me thinking, what's the real War on Christmas here? Is it on PC pussies who have to mettle with everyone's shit just so they can pat themselves on the back for being do-gooder motherfuckers? Or is it something more sinister? Is the real War on Christmas, in fact, a war on people not getting a crucifix up their ass over the most fun holiday ever? Behold the true Hitler in the real War on Christmas:

Image and video hosting by TinyPic
"Ho ho ho! I'm the idol of the secular progressives! Big government for all!"

If that's the real Hitler, then I'm a Nazi. Be a Nazi, too, and prove the superiority of the master holiday!

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

This is apparently even worse in context.


Thursday, December 9, 2010

The Internet Keeps On Giving

More bountiful gifts from the internet:

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

But wait! There's more! See, it seems the gods and godnesses (godnessi?) kidnapped Santa Claus for some reason, and Santa needs your help rescuing Santa! Help him and claim our gifts!

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

I like to think "Santa" just happens to be the name of a Mexican gunslinger, and you help him rescue Santa Claus. And together, you claim our gifts.


No, Wait! The Internet Is Not Yet Done Giving!

SE is clearly making this as a jab at western gamers, it's a reflection of their motif on what western gamers want, and you shouldn't buy it.

Square Enix is an elitist Japanese company who looks down on western developers and western gamers alike.
Now you may say, "LOL wut? I've only seen them make nice comments about Western Developers and Games." But if you actually read said articles where they praise or give a nod to western games, there's always a little jab thrown in somewhere.

It seems to me that this whole game is nothing but an ignorant jab at western games and the players who enjoy them.

You may think I'm crazy, but mark my words, if this game sells well in North America, Square Enix will have something ignorant to say about it.

Seriously, though, Gun Loco looks like it was inspired by Jeff Dunham puppets, that squirrel from Hoodwinked, and racist drawings of black people from the early 1900s.

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

This mudflap would look mighty nice on a bar of soap.


Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Pedophyli Is Crime

I keep saying the name means nothing, and yet, here we are again...

So, because I love crap, I decided to drop by Newgrounds, and how could I not click on something called "A paedophile story"?

So, from what I gather, there are two things going on: One, this is the story of a guy who molested himself as a kid and he's stuck in this Groundhog's Day loop ate a rat infected with that black tar stuff from Condemned: Bloodshot. Or two, pedophilia is exactly like vampirism and werewolf...ism. If you were ever molested as a kid and think you turned out pretty well adjusted, I draw the curtain on thy sad illusion! You're molesting children and don't even know it! Go ahead and set up a video camera before you go to bed. Have someone tie you down first, though, lest you jump out the window and roam the night in search of tiny prey!

But what I think really delivers the message is this excellent review from someone in Brazil, where molesting children is also illegal:

pedophyli is crime.
A pedophile is an adult who is sexually attracted to children who have not reached puberty. A pedophile has a mental disorder called "pedophilia"(http://simple.wikipedia.
that's an horrible thing nice movie
it shows that pedophilia can most of the time couse mental desorder. and this is probably an vicious circle like it shows in the movie i think everything is clear.



Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Kim Kardashian Dies of AIDS

Even in death, she looks like a slut:

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

...What's that? She's not really dead? YOU LYING CUNT POSTER!

Oh, wait! She and other celebrities like Lady Gaga and Justin Timberlake are "dead" because they aren't using Twitter and Facebook to raise awareness of the world famous AIDS virus. Well, heck, that's a terrific idea and not at all revoltingly shallow and egotistical!

Y'know, I think I'll join in this. To show my support for AIDS, I'm not going to post another blog entry until I post another blog entry. I am so important that I can raise over 9,000 dollars by not telling anonymous strangers pointless details of my life.


Friday, November 26, 2010

I Regret Googling This Blog

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

But hey, seventh one down!


"Mudflap" Would Make a Great Racial Slur

I'm sure I mentioned that before. But here's something I found at Postive-Ass

Then the cars showed up in leaked set pics. Now the cars are black with the original colors as highlights. It's not helping the whole racism controversy, but who knows what personalities will be like for the third film.

...Wow. Now just have them wearing blackface and talking like escaped slaves from the 1800s, and you'll have me sold!


Thursday, November 18, 2010

The Greatest Blasphemous Boast in The Universe


You can tell its true because it's both in all caps and in bold.


Thursday, November 11, 2010

Seriously, No Children or Orgasms EVER

Seriously. The name of this blog is just silly nonsense. I was reading that Amptu-tan story from 4Chan (which is infinitely better and more believable than that poser piece of shit "Blindmute Loli"), Nurse-kun said "children need orgasms" (I'm taking that completely out of context, by the way), and I thought that would be a funny name for a blog.



Wednesday, November 10, 2010

MSNBC Has a Liberal Bias, But Fox News is Still Much Worse

I was Bing-ing up "Rachel Maddow smug" because Google is fucking everywhere, so I'm done feeding that beast. Also, Maddow is goddamn smug and boring all the bloody time, so I wonder what a search would turn up.

Spoiler alert: I found bias assholes calling the kettle a bias asshole.

I'm writing this entry because what we need in this country is not to get along with each other, but an honest hatred of everything because it's all complete bullshit nowadays and we should just give up. MSNBC is abandoned all attempts to be a legitimate news network and embraced being the liberal Fox News...which only people who try to defend Fox News ever called MSNBC. By admitting Fox News was rightwing propoganda, but MSNBC was leftwing the Circle of Life is at balance.

Fox News is terrible, but that doesn't mean MSNBC is right. This is more like Hitler vs Satan. Man, I wish I could see that...

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Well, thank you, Jew-run media! You're alright in my book!


Monday, November 8, 2010

Eye on Chris Armstrong

Say, remember hearing about that gay Nazi Chris Armstrong about a week or two ago on The Daily Show? Well, I think now is about the right time to do something! Let's keep abreast on the latest Chris Armstrong news by his jaded stalker that bald guy who wasn't cyber-bullying Chris Armstrong whose name I forget:

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Ah, damnit.

Sunday, October 31, 2010


One Halloween I had this devil costume, but it was one of those cheap-o things with the thin plastic with an elastic band stapled to it and a plastic smock with the character's face on it. So, I went trick or treating and I got to this old man's house. When he opened the door, he was all like "Awww! The Devil!" and closed the door. I thought he was joking...but he never opened the door. He actually thought I was the Devil himself, come to lay claim on his senile soul. Y'know, because the Dark Lord wears a cheap plastic shirt with his unholy image upon it. And, like, the plastic's probably made of orphan souls and shit.

I gotta wonder what happened afterwards. I'd like to think he completely lost it and started living in this delusional post-apocalyptic world. He'd be surprised his neighbors survived the Rapture, build an anti-zombie watchtower on his lawn, construct what he thinks is a urine recycling machine, try to trade gasoline for supplies at the local convenience store.

Old people are funny. And then they die.


Sunday, October 24, 2010

Nothing But Darkness Lurks in the Human Soul

Well, yeah, I laughed, but I'm horrible person and no one should follow my example.

"Many people found the resulting film extremely funny, but unfortunately some didn't and we sincerely apologise to anybody we have offended."

...Wow. There cannot possibly be any worse people in the world.

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Fun sidenote: Try and find my comment on that video before HowTheWorldWorks realizes I was trolling. Which will likely be never.


Friday, October 22, 2010

Conservative New Media Blocked Me

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Awwww! I think I hurt some bald retard's Conservative New Media's feelings! I should have looked at my "What Would Jesus Do?" bracelet and did what this troll good Catholic lady did: Insult Muslims and call people who disagree with me gay in the most disgusting way possible.

By the way, shame on NPR for firing Juan Williams for saying things they didn't like. What happened to freedom of speech, I ask ya?


Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Something to Know About Neo-Nazis

Every Neo-Nazi is a racist, but not every Neo-Nazi is a pedophile.

Now that's something to think about.


Wednesday, October 6, 2010

My Thoughts on "No Pay, No Spray"

I, for one, defend government protection rackets. After all, I'm the Devil and great delight in greed and ignoring the plight of your fellow man.

9/11 relief workers, you could learn a thing or two from these guys! I mean, you were trying to save those freeloading victims of a terrorist attack who had pre-existing conditions! (Those conditions being victims of a terrorist attack.)


Monday, October 4, 2010


When Rick Sanchez called Jon Stewart a bigot and then said the media is run by the Jews, Stewart fired back with a fuckin' bunker buster!

"In talking about how people should donate for autism education, for which the show raises money, Stewart said: "If you went on radio and said the Jews control the media… you may want to hold on to your money."

HOLY FUCKING SHIT! Sanchez got his shit fucked up hardcore! FUCKIN' HARDCORE!

...God, I hate this country.


Sunday, October 3, 2010

From Wimdows LIve Team

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Effort. Try it some time.

Edit: I say that, and I didn't resize the damned thing. Well, why the hell doesn't the entry get bigger or something?


Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Fred is a Massive Tool

Y'know, I actually used to like Fred. To all you irrational Fred haters, I'd like to know what you think is goddamn comedy. Do you have to tear others down to build yourself up? (Thanks for that bit of wisdom, Christian vegetables!)

But to my fellow rational Fred haters, did you know that long before that lousy, half-assed direct-to-DVD Nickelodeon movie that was released long after he hit his peak, Fred was still a massive tool?

Shane Dawson might make retarded thumbnails and Sxephil might be a giant douche bag who'd sell his soul for views, but at least all the other YouTools haven't reached this level of toolishness.

...Well, Sxephil would if he could. Seriously, the guy's a despicable prick and maybe a child pornographer.


Sunday, September 26, 2010

Fuck Shane Dawson

Seriously, fuck that silly looking douche bag. He have over 9,0000 channels and his thumbnails look fucking hideous.

Jesus...fucking Jesus, I hate that asshole...


Friday, September 24, 2010

Let's Solve Illegal Immigrantion Forever!

America should take over Mexico. Then there wouldn't be any Mexicans coming into the country illegally, because Mexico would be part of America.



Paheal: Drawn-Sex, Tram Pararam, Cartoon Reality, and Just Cartoon Dicks are now DNP

In case you didn't know, Drawn-Sex, Tram Pararam, Cartoon Reality, and Just Cartoon Dicks are now on the "Do Not Post" list over at a site where you post Rule 34 pics. They filed a Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA) notice for characters they don't own and can't legally make money off of.

...Wait, what?

Now, I'm no big city lawyer, but I do believe this is what they call "a complete load of horse shit". Education your minds, Paheal:

Or just give in to bullies making hollow threats. It's the Democratic thing to do!


Thursday, September 23, 2010

Great Names for Things That Are Actually Real

-Young Nastyman
-The Whizzer
-Blind Beast vs Killer Dwarf
-Sodom the Killer
-Charles Barkley Shut Up and Jam Gaiden
-Freshly-Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland
-Gay Sex! (note: GameFAQs removed it because they're cocks)
-Twin Eagle: Revenge Joe's Brother
-ASO: Armored Scrum Object
-Princess Tomato in Salad Kingdom
-Silhouette Mirage: Reprogrammed Hope
-Ninja Hamster
-Booby Kids
-Lee Trevino's Fighting Golf
-No One Can Stop Mr. Domino! (seriously, not goddamn EVER, so don't even try)
-Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo
-Killer Clowns from Outer Space
-Cannibal Women In The Avocado Jungle of Death
-Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
-Nuts & Milk
-Bad Dudes vs. Dragon Ninja
-If It Moves, Shoot It!
-Irritating Stick
-Topless Robot
-Anything with a giant animal versus another giant animal
-The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living And Became Mixed-Up Zombies


Friday, September 17, 2010

The Polls Are In

66% of you apparently feel the need to lash out at me because you hurt inside. Time to lay some MDickie wisdom upside your asses:

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Join a gang.


Saturday, September 11, 2010

Here's Some Words I Wish Were Ethnic Slurs

Dolphin Rider
Fancy Hair Boy
Fancy Hair Girl
Lamp Lighter
Submarine Salesman
Hi Ho Twinklestar



I think I had just about all the He-Man action figures when I was a kid. Not many of the vehicles, but I did have Castle Grayskull.

Now here's an entirely too big picture that doesn't fit on my screen:

Image and video hosting by TinyPic