Republicans, after years of never forgetting 9/11, have finally wised up and realized what a bunch of parasites all those relief workers are. They get terminal sniffles, and do they suck it up? No! They feel like they're entitled, and all because they "risked their lives doing their jobs" and shit. Are Republicans not entitled to the sweat on their brow? "No!" say the 9/11 relief workers! "It belongs to people who risked their own lives trying to save others during the worst attack on this country since Pearl Harbor! We deserve your money, even if we don't kill darkies and towelheads for your amusement and ego! We demand handouts, because we're too good to die when our usefulness is at an end!"
But what if I told you, dear America, that there's a conspiracy here nearly equal to a socialist Muslim from Kenya becoming president? What if I told you that the real terrorists behind 9/11 are, in fact, the 9/11 relief workers?! Think about it! If you didn't want to pay for your own healthcare like any Christian would, what do you do? Commit a massive act of terrorism, of course! You get to play the hero, and when you catch the flu or get 9/11 cancer, the taxpayers get the bill! And all you have to do is risk your life and kill thousands of people, whose remains will float in the sewers for years to come! GENIUS!
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