Let's Read An Email I Got That Totally Doesn't Get Creepy and Weird

So, my forum, Words of a Madman. Yeah. Do I got a link or anything in my profile? If not, no one's getting it now. See, an actual person apparently signed up. Being just a hair shy of being on the same level of lonely and sad as "The Bloody Board" (although having a punch of female sockpuppet accounts might give me the extra push), having a new member is a lot like making contact with aliens. Will they be friendly? Will they come to mock me about having written corny any fanfiction? Or will they be really weird and make me feel uncomfortable?

So, the latest member emailed me. He's still there, so...I'm staying away from there for now. Anyway, take my hand, friend, and join me as read an email that totally doesn't get creepy and weird:

"I like those avatar pics everyone whose an Imaginary friend has, could you make one for me?"

They're crappy MS Paint anime busts that I really want to replace with something better sometime. Also, I don't generally take requests from complete str-

"And could you teach me how to act."

...What? I mean, what? I'm a writer, video editor, game developer (eventually), complainer, and the source of the White Man's burden. "Actor" isn't in my list of credits.

"Am not very good in acting , But seeing that everyone here
is good at it , I am assuming were all just guys , and that
nobody here is a woman, right?? Maybe I shouldn't have
brought that up , very sorry , please forgive me."

There's me. Only me. Occassionally one other guy, but mostly just me. The "Imaginary Friends" group should give away that my girls aren't real.

"I have some questions , that i would like if you answered them
you don't have to , I am not commanding
u or anything,"

Well, yeah, probably should right up some sorta FAQ or something like-

"but what are we doing here?"

...That?

Believe me, it gets so much more existential.

"and what does W.o.a.m. stand for?"

Boku no Pico.

"I know somethings about anime , like that
bishouju ( sorry if its not spelled right ) means beautiful girl"

Oh, this can't possibly go in a weird direction...

"and that moe is something sorta like pedophilia ( though i wonder why is) atleast what all those conservative or whatever
there called sites say."

I LIED! :D

(Psst! Someone do an entry for "moe" at Conservapedia! Say it's pronounced like the name Moe and that it's Japanese pedophile cartoons.)

"So if i join this community
we have events and things?"

...It's a forum. A forum with one just pretending to be a bunch of girls to create the thinly veiled illusion that there's more than one painfully alone person writing every single post.

"do we meet in real life?"

It's a forum.

"I would like to meet in R.L. , rl does stand for Reality right?
and the L for Life ?
Am not smart or anything , Am not an adult,
and I am a real Teenager , but not all things are what they are cliched. ( srry for sounding stpid , since this is private
and we don't really know each other , this shouldn't hurt me right? ) I will sound stpid most often when I talk to you,"

When did I feel like this was some bizzare sort of "To Catch a Predator" thing? Well, it was about...

"I know this because I have problems in my life ,"

Here.

"am not trying to ask for a counselor , I am just interested in
this place , this forum , or idea sharing , human communication project."

"Human Communication Project". I can actually see my forum getting wrapped up in something like that. Specifically, any part that had to do with crippling isolation or something.

"When I was like younger * ( 3-5 yrs ago)
in like middle school, I was kinda like a loser"

...Okay, I'm not so mean that I'm going to say something to this.

" ,not that
tv loser , but a real loser. I had problems in my life."

...Well...maybe one little quip wouldn't hurt...

"I don't have enough time to explain , what thoughts were in my
head , lets just say I had problems , what sort , and kind i just can't explain"

NO! No, no, no! I know what's like to be all awkward and weird, so I shouldn't-

"There was this girl from Laos ( i think )"

BOBBY! ARE YOU TELLING THE INTERNET ABOUT PROPANE AND PROPANE ACCESSORIES LIKE I TOLD YOU?

Oh, c'mon! Can you blame me?! I mean, some random stranger signs up and all of a sudden starts talking to me about-

"She always brought manga to school"

BOBBY! ARE YOU READING THE MANGA IN THERE? IT BETTER BE MANGA ABOUT PROPANE AND PROPANE ACCESSORIES!

...Dude...awesome idea, right there. Fist of the North Star...meets King of the Hill. That would be so goddamn manly...

"I felt werid , i mean , i felt ..... something i just can't explain"

See! SEE! This is what I was talking about! W-T-Fuck, man!

"i couldn't understand what would make somebody
bring things like that,"

In case you still think I'm being too mean...

"i mean i watched anime ,( in private)"

There are over 9,000 things I could say, but I'll go the clean route: "Sometimes, on really crazy nights, I'd watch Voltron! Maybe just flip out and watch five minutes of Sailor Moon! Wild times, I tell ya!"

"but i just can't see how people are that brave
to just do things not afraid of others opinion"

She brought manga to school! Am I missing some details here? Was it hardcore yaoi guro or something?

"( though its not the opinions that effected me ,
i could say maybe its my way of life/religion
since i was a muslim ,maybe i still am)"

Before you say something inflammatory (and I know you want to, internet)...I'm not a theologist or some big word thing like that, so can anyone tell me if manga is against anyone's religion? I'll even let you include cults.

"I hope I can become friends we you all."

And then the grammar improved, and it all turned into Engrish.

And now...now, my friend, things get really weird.

"Maybe learn more about myself.
Maybe while am doing this i might remember
remember who i was."

...Wow. Just wow. All of a sudden, there's a story here. A story of discovering a lost you...remembering what brought you to this point...

Oh wait, it's just a total fucking weirdo who stumbled across my lonely little hole. Yeah, I'm backing the fuck away now...

Edit: Well, I banned him. He was acting way the fuck too weird, and I could tell this wouldn't go anywhere good. And if you think I'm just not giving the little weirdo a chance, here's this post:

"call me stupid but ehhhhh ....
Daimans site is racked

And well I know he has the ifrance going on to hold back the memories and all
but who is this Aldorlea Games corp.? WHO ARE THEY?!?!"

I'm not taking that out of context. At all. There was no previous post that referenced a single word he's talking about. No "Daiman", no "ifrance", no "Aldorlea Games Corp.". He seriously just went into a random thread and started making shit up. I can sorta appreciate the sheer insanity of that.

A shiny nickel to anyone who can tell me if any of that stuff is a reference to anything at all.

-Tabris