I Signed Up For Facebook

:(

-Tabris

The Father of AIDS

From FrankenBleach Incarnate, editted so very slightly:

Kenpachi's dad makes a good point.

-Tabris

My Thoughts on Slave Maker 3

Seriously. Lesbian sex slave trainer. Super seriously.

Linkage: http://www.otakubell.com/smw/index.php/Main_Page

-Tabris

NPR President Forced to Resign For Calling Tea Party Racist (WHICH THEY TOTALLY FUCKING ARE!)

Holy shit, internet, you read my mind!

-Tabris

Hack Group Declares Cyberwar Against US Government

Oh fucking Christ, please don't be "Anonymous", please don't be- GODDAMN SON OF A FUCKING WHORY BITCH! Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit! Your ignorance of internet culture- shit that your punk-ass 15 year old son can tell you about- makes me vomit and cry with unfathomable rage! Vomit and cry!

“It’s a guerilla cyberwar — that’s what I call it,” said Barrett Brown, 29, who calls himself a senior strategist and “propagandist” for Anonymous.

Bullshit! You are the senior bullshitter for The Country Bear Bullshit Jamboree, you fucking prick! Rolling with Fox News' criticial research failure was annoying enough, but that was years ago. Time to grow the fuck up and get a life, or fuck with Google! These assholes own half the internet! I can't sign into this very blog and YouTube with two different account, despite the fact that these two websites are not related! Instead of going to federal prison because you thought one of the world's greatest goddamn nuclear superpowers was like a fat kid whining on YouTube videos, how 'bout you quit playing make believe and help free your true homeland: The internet.

Please. I implore you think about this.

-Tabris

Encyclopedia Dramatica: Let's Bring Up This Shit Yet Again

Now, I was over this topic. The current kick I'm on is steampunk. Anyway, I decided to drop by this blog to see if there was anything new. I skimmed over older posts, and holy fucking shit, Encyclopedia Dramatica is way the fuck worse than some sea captain descending a website into despotism!

Not to obsess over this or anything, but apparently, Encyclopedia Dramatica and the tools that run it:

-Was formerly run by a drunken retard who blew his brains out because the internet told him to.
-Will give you advise on committing what one could consider cyber terrorism because posting dirt on people is terrific when it's not them.
-Are dirty goddamn lying sons of bitches who will absolutely censor themselves.
-Will DMCA your ass if you dare post their shit. Yeah, despite the fact that their imaginary scapegoat formerly used pictures stolen from some random guy and, like I've mentioned before, they're post your personal info if you DMCA them. (edit: And they'll use blatantly false information when writing out a DMCA form...which I'm kinda sure is goddamn illegal. I refuse to believe Kalamazoo is a real town, or if it is, it's name is real and not part of an elaborate joke to bring in tourists.)
-Have no sense of irony, much like Mr. Krabs.

...Goddamn. I know I'm just going off of blind faith here, taking the word of an internet stranger, but try looking up "nigger", "jew", or "offended". "Jew" and "offended" are now ultra-PC. Yeah, I get it, after years of being offensive...yeah. Funny. But "nigger" (and "aboriginal") have been removed completely...no, wait.

Oh! Oh, I see what you did there! You deleted all the offensive crap, appearing to cave in to pressure, then make something offensive! That's so satirical! Hahahaha...hahaha...ha...eh...

sat·ire   /ˈsætaɪər/
[sat-ahyuhr]

–noun
1. the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.
2. a literary composition, in verse or prose, in which human folly and vice are held up to scorn, derision, or ridicule.
3. a literary genre comprising such compositions. 3. a literary genre comprising such compositions.
4. Acting like a emotionally crippled dickhead with no social skills and making excuses for it. Also see "Autistic", "Freudian Excuse".

-Tabris

How Has No One Thought of This Yet?

-Tabris

Nazifpour is an Incredibly Pretentious Cock

I mean, look at this:

http://www.gamefaqs.com/features/top10/2253.html

Yeah, Spore dealt with some important religious issues, huh? Like THAT'S COMPLETE FUCKING BULLSHIT! And that's one of the less spit-take inducing things this asshole's written. Take a look at his other lists:

The Top 10 Games Which Deal With Important Moral Issues
The Top 10 Games Which Deal With Important Philosophical Issues
The Top 10 Games Which Deal With Important Political Issues
The Top 10 Games Which Deal With Important Psychological Issues
The Top 10 Games Which Deal With Important Social Issues

Guess how many of those have wannabe intellectual bullshit shoehorned in where it doesn't belong? All of them, you say? DING DING DING! Give the man a cupie doll! And did you also say that the #1 spot has "The X Game" in it? Oh snap! Welcome to the bonus round, mo-fo!

Deal lord, dare we actually take a look at some of these?

"Oni- Forgiveness"

How this deals important moral issues: If you choose not to kill someone, they'll show up Deus ex Machina and shit to help you with the last boss.

By the way, Konoko sure as shit does not "forgive" Griffin. She walks away, pissed off as fucking hell, and aside from the last boss, it doesn't effect the story at all. Did this dipshit actually play the game?

"Mirror's Edge- Peaceful resistance"

How this deals with important political issues: Running around is the same as picket- Wait a goddamn minute, can't you steal guns and punch dudes in the junk?! Double bullshit!

"Fallout 2- LGBT rights"

How this deals with important social issues: You could marry a hillbilly of the same sex or sleep with other women as a female character. Are you fucking kidding me? How...why...

I'd point out more examples of complete bullshit, but fuck this shit. Fuck it now and forever.

-Tabris

Anonymous Is Still Not An Actual Group

Years ago, I screamed this shit at the top of my lungs: That there is no "Anonymous". It was shitty scaremongering reporting by dumbfucks who didn't do any goddamn fact checking. See, in case you're a dumb motherfuck, "Anonymous" is your name when you post a comment somewhere where you don't need to register, like this very blog. Go ahead, try it out. See that? Now you're an internet terrorist and shit. Like, fight the power or something.

That was years ago. Guess why I'm pulling my fucking hair out.

S'yeah, "Anonymous" is back in the news. That's like watching the news and seeing over 9,000 Rickrolls, desu. It's old, it's tired, it's a big pile of goddamn nonsense. And here we are again, years later, with Stephen Colbert talking about it! Guess I can't blame him, though, since all his guests are boring, nothing ever changes, and he likes centaur shotas.

(In case you give in to morbid curiosity like I just did, that's centaurs that are shotas. Not shota-on-centaur. No, no wacky picture this time.)

And there's something else, but what is it? Oh yeah, everyone who ever jumped on the "Anonymous" bandwagon is a sheep. When you do what everyone else is doing, you're a conformist and your alignment cannot be chaotic, no matter what you claim.

You know what all these people who have automated password guessing programs hacker guys should do? Claim they're a part of a group whose name people are too cowardly to say on TV. Like, "The Cocky Shitfuckers" or something. They could hack sites and replace all the text with nothing but swear words.

That would amuse me for several minutes. Then I'd go start a Twitter feud with Daniel Tosh, because he's an obnoxious douchebag who only has work because he's showing YouTube videos on TV.

Christ, I hate him.

-Tabris

The Superhero Sideshow: Make This Shit Yourself!

To celebrate being an Uncle Moneybags motherfucker and buying myself a lifetime subscription to Champions Online, I'm doing a series of entries in the precious moments I can pull myself away from the game about weirdo freaks in comics. This entry: Lee's (Useless) Super-Hero Generator, presented by Supreme Kl@w, the stinking hero who can explode at will!

Sadly, there's no Rob Liefeld Superhero Name Generator that I can find (which would combine violent nouns, violent verbs, and pouches). However, I came across something over 9,000 times better! Lemme just put this here and let you have fun:

http://home.hiwaay.net/~lkseitz/comics/herogen/

Let's take a look at some of the heroes I got:

Eonziz Krystal (Eonziz-Krystal, Eonzizkrystal, Krystal Eonziz, Krystal-Eonziz, Krystaleonziz)
Power(s): Insect control, Heat vision
Source of powers: Extra-terrestrial unknown
Weapon: Dark Bombs
Transportation: Manga Horse (Great name for a superhero, by the way.)

General Rhnige (General-Rhnige, Generalrhnige, Rhnige General, Rhnige-General, Rhnigegeneral)
Power(s): Enhanced senses
Source of powers: Extra-terrestrial meditation
Weapon: Terra Saxophone
Transportation: Sub-rainbow (Great idea for Champions Online, actually. Like Lightspeed or one of those Flight powers with special effects...but with a extra-dimensional rainbow.)

Admiral Odhs (Admiral-Odhs, Admiralodhs, Odhs Admiral, Odhs-Admiral, Odhsadmiral)
Power(s): Glows in the dark, Adhesion, Water control
Source of powers: Extra-terrestrial willpower
Weapon: Holy Gel
Transportation: Father Motorhome (Another great name for a superhero.)

Supreme Kl@w (Supreme-Kl@w, Supremekl@w, Kl@w Supreme, Kl@w-Supreme, Kl@wsupreme)
Power(s): Odor generation, Explodes, Energy blasts
Source of powers: Extra-terrestrial biotechnology
Weapon: Stellar Spitballs
Transportation: Ambush Ship

Mie Star (Mie-Star, Miestar, Star Mie, Star-Mie, Starmie)
Power(s): Mind-numbing beauty/ugliness, Image projection
Source of powers: Extra-terrestrial near-death experience
Weapon: Gas Bullets
Transportation: Beta Camel

S@rgewave (S@rge-wave)
Power(s): Mind control
Source of powers: Extra-terrestrial chemical
Weapon: Atomic Flail
Transportation: Lion Wheel

Bronze Fwokbgttl (Bronze-Fwokbgttl, Bronzefwokbgttl, Fwokbgttl Bronze, Fwokbgttl-Bronze, Fwokbgttlbronze)
Power(s): Magnetism, Telepathy
Source of powers: Extra-terrestrial meditation
Weapon: Magic Claws
Transportation: Golden Pogo Stick (Another good idea for a Champions Online travel power.)

Masked Marvel (Masked-Marvel, Maskedmarvel, Marvel Masked, Marvel-Masked, Marvelmasked)
Power(s): Super spelling, Bullet-proof, Gadget creation
Source of powers: Mystic
Weapon: Plasma Javelin
Transportation: Sky Rocket

Sir Flash (Sir-Flash, Sirflash, Flash Sir, Flash-Sir, Flashsir)
Power(s): Super-human hand-eye coordination
Source of powers: Solar
Weapon: Ice Blade
Transportation: Racoon Capsule

Bee Tornado (Bee-Tornado, Beetornado, Tornado Bee, Tornado-Bee, Tornadobee)
Power(s): Light generation/control, Enhanced agility
Source of powers: Lycanthropy
Weapon: Sonic Neutralizer
Transportation: Copper Shuttle

Flaming Bug (Flaming-Bug, Flamingbug, Bug Flaming, Bug-Flaming, Bugflaming)
Power(s): Earthquake generation
Source of powers: Vampirism
Weapon: Laser Armor
Transportation: Prince Ship

Megamouse (Mega-Mouse)
Power(s): Escape artist, Plant control
Source of powers: Supernatural
Weapon: Particle Analyzer
Transportation: Bronze Zebra

Here are the villians, who somehow got fucking awesome names:

Wild Weirdo
Power(s): Omniscience
Source of powers: Willpower
Weapon: Magnowrench
Transportation: Commander Sled
(Note: This guy turned out perfect.)

Nuclear Phantom
Power(s): Amphibious, Invulnerability
Source of powers: Technology
Weapon: Solar Doohickey
Transportation: Supreme Slide

Battle Dragon
Power(s): Extra-dimensional travel
Source of powers: Divine intervention
Weapon: Ether Belt
Transportation: Fightingwing

Crimson Hitman
Power(s): Precognition
Source of powers: Nanotechnology
Weapon: Cosmic Mortar
Transportation: Tomorrow Houseboat

Fly Warlock
Power(s): Super strength, Earth/rock control
Source of powers: Lycanthropy
Weapon: Magic Blunderbuss
Transportation: Mother Tube

Countess Fury
Power(s): Unaided outer space travel, Smoke generation/control, Time manipulation
Source of powers: Spinach
Weapon: Flame Blade
Transportation: Starcopter

Death Golem
Power(s): Pyrokinesis, Magic spell casting
Source of powers: Paranormal
Weapon: Lunar Discs
Transportation: Wing Zamboni

Super Hitman
Power(s): Electrical generation/control, Radiation generation/control, Plant control
Source of powers: Solar
Weapon: Particle Scimitar
Transportation: Jade Skateboard

Bored Avalanche
Power(s): Electromagnetism
Source of powers: Gadgets
Weapon: Nuclear Whip (ATOMIC FLAIL VS NUCLEAR WHIP!)
Transportation: Fly Sail

Rat Viking
Power(s): Time travel
Source of powers: Mythological god(ess)
Weapon: Silver Torpedos
Transportation: Flying Hydrofoil
(Note: WOW. You could easily create an entire story behind this guy!)

Winter Hillbilly (Winter-Hillbilly, Winterhillbilly, Hillbilly Winter, Hillbilly-Winter, Hillbillywinter)
Power(s): Plant control, Illusion casting (And no cryomancy/cryokinesis, oddly enough.)
Source of powers: Chemical
Weapon: Gravity Foam
Transportation: Insect Forklift

Ambush Wind (Ambush-Wind, Ambushwind, Wind Ambush, Wind-Ambush, Windambush)
Power(s): Luck, Empathy
Source of powers: Training
Weapon: Unobtainium Bullets
Transportation: Element Gateway

Robot King (Robot-King, Robotking, King Robot, King-Robot, Kingrobot)
Power(s): Cold generation, Omniscience, Extreme popularity
Source of powers: Cybernetics
Weapon: Magnojavelin
Transportation: Nuclear Seahorse

War Mistress (War-Mistress, Warmistress, Mistress War, Mistress-War, Mistresswar)
Power(s): Encyclopedic knowledge
Source of powers: Soul sold to Devil
Weapon: Slime Saber
Transportation: Screaming Cart

Thunder Djinn (Thunder-Djinn, Thunderdjinn, Djinn Thunder, Djinn-Thunder, Djinnthunder)
Power(s): Super strength, Omnidirectional sight, Radiation generation/control
Source of powers: Mutant
Weapon: Flaming Katana
Transportation: Doc Burro

Superhero teams:

New Foursome (giggle)
Power(s): Power mimicry, Body transformation
Source of powers: Psychic
Weapon(s): Web Pillow(s)
Transportation: Mighty Flight Ring(s)

X-society
Power(s): Hold breath indefinitely, Telekinesis, Odor generation
Source of powers: Solar
Weapon(s): Holy Wand(s)
Transportation: Captain Dinosaur(s)

Liberty Ten
Power(s): Super breath, Psychic
Source of powers: Training
Weapon(s): Mind Rod(s)
Transportation: Winged Stationwagon(s)

Justice Blasters
Power(s): Teleportation
Source of powers: Mystic
Weapon(s): Magic Nunchucks(s)
Transportation: Darecapsule(s)

Sovereign Two
Power(s): Intuition, Smoke generation/control
Source of powers: Mathematics
Weapon(s): Air Ionizer(s)
Transportation: Wonder Cow(s)

Zoo Sisterhood (If this didn't exist before, it will now. Though not as a superhero team.)
Power(s): Weapon mastery
Source of powers: Extra-dimensional
Weapon(s): Force Sling(s)
Transportation: Lion Van(s)

Beta Pachyderms
Power(s): Deus ex machina, Smoke generation/control, Water control
Source of powers: Mutant
Weapon(s): Hydroboomerang(s)
Transportation: Rocket SUV(s)

Liberty Pack
Power(s): Immortality
Source of powers: Meditation
Weapon(s): Holy Crossbow(s)
Transportation: Turbodroid(s)

Blackbelt Foursome
Power(s): Intangibility, Perfect pitch
Source of powers: Magic
Weapon(s): Gigarapier(s)
Transportation: Robot Nag(s)

Secret Two
Power(s): Poison resistance, Microscopic vision
Source of powers: Divine intervention
Weapon(s): Hyperflute(s)
Transportation: Suicide Juggernaut(s) (My thoughts on this one: :D!)

And finally, supervillian teams, which didn't quite succeed as well as the supervillian names:

Crime Trio (Trio Crime, Trio of Crime)
Power(s): Enhanced common sense
Source of powers: Chemical
Weapon(s): Turbo Revolver(s)
Transportation: Chameleon Bird(s)

Royal Vandals (Vandals Royal, Vandals of Royal)
Power(s): Direct computer interface, Empathy, Lycanthropy
Source of powers: Extra-dimensional
Weapon(s): Vibrorapier(s)
Transportation: Z-catapult(s)

Gorilla Manhunters (Manhunters Gorilla, Manhunters of Gorilla)
Power(s): Escape artist, Precognition, Radar sense
Source of powers: Mystic
Weapon(s): Sonic Venom(s)
Transportation: Y-wagon(s)

Wolf Tribe (Tribe Wolf, Tribe of Wolf)
Power(s): Photographic memory, Force blasts
Source of powers: Radiation
Weapon(s): Kinetic Javelin(s)
Transportation: Captain Car(s)

Mutant Four (Four Mutant, Four of Mutant)
Power(s): Shrinking
Source of powers: Near-death experience
Weapon(s): Electrohatchet(s)
Transportation: Hyperhouseboat(s)

Q-gang
Power(s): Light generation/control, Flame generation/control, Luck
Source of powers: Metahuman
Weapon(s): Anti-matter Lasso(s)
Transportation: Karate Rainbow(s)

Aristocratic Pack (Pack Aristocratic, Pack of Aristocratic)
Power(s): Matter consumption, Earth/rock control
Source of powers: Psychic
Weapon(s): Hydroscissors(s)
Transportation: Turbomoped(s)

Secret Men (Men Secret, Men of Secret)
Power(s): Plant control, Flight, Body transformation
Source of powers: Symbiosis
Weapon(s): Psi-katana(s)
Transportation: Mother Zip-line(s)

Delta Women (Women Delta, Women of Delta)
Power(s): Incomprehensibility, Martial arts mastery, Magnetism
Source of powers: Meditation
Weapon(s): Prototype Sceptre(s)
Transportation: Bullet Bike(s)

Imperial Two (Two Imperial, Two of Imperial)
Power(s): Enhanced common sense, Radiation generation/control, Extreme popularity
Source of powers: Mutant
Weapon(s): Web Whip(s)
Transportation: Armadillo Catamaran(s)

Alpha Squad (Squad Alpha, Squad of Alpha)
Power(s): Danger sense, Earth/rock control
Source of powers: Curse
Weapon(s): Hypermachine gun(s)
Transportation: Y-unicycle(s)

Mutant Sisterhood (Sisterhood Mutant, Sisterhood of Mutant)
Power(s): Enhanced common sense, Explodes
Source of powers: Raised by animals
Weapon(s): Lunar Bazooka(s)
Transportation: Speed Pony(s)

Wolftech (Wolf-tech)
Power(s): Animal control
Source of powers: Technology
Weapon(s): Gravizip gun(s)
Transportation: Black Bubble(s)

Secret Cronies (Cronies Secret, Cronies of Secret)
Power(s): Smoke generation/control
Source of powers: Genetic engineering
Weapon(s): Celestial Musket(s)
Transportation: Scarab Phone Booth(s)

Global Manhunters (Manhunters Global, Manhunters of Global)
Power(s): Force blasts
Source of powers: Electrocution
Weapon(s): Foam Pellets(s)
Transportation: Vibro Dinosaur(s)

And a few more heroes for the road:

Elasti-angel
Power(s): Hypnosis, Prehensile tail
Source of powers: Demonic mutant
Weapon: Ice Crossbow
Transportation: Detective Starship

Danger America (Danger-America, Dangeramerica, America Danger, America-Danger, Americadanger) (That would make a great name for a band!)
Power(s): Plant control
Source of powers: Mutant electrocution
Weapon: Foam Musket
Transportation: White Griffon

Brother Fire (Brother-Fire, Brotherfire, Fire Brother, Fire-Brother, Firebrother)
Power(s): Clairvoyance, Flight, Molecular control
Source of powers: Mutant super-goobers
Weapon: Vibranium Ionizer
Transportation: Space Ultralight

Albino Punisher (Albino-Punisher, Albinopunisher, Punisher Albino, Punisher-Albino, Punisheralbino)
Power(s): Deus ex machina, Elasticity
Source of powers: Mutant metahuman
Weapon: Thunder Hubcap
Transportation: Machine Burro

Frog Nimbus (Frog-Nimbus, Frognimbus, Nimbus Frog, Nimbus-Frog, Nimbusfrog)
Power(s): Super-human stamina
Source of powers: Mutant mathematics
Weapon: Dark Pencil (Which fits perfectly for a guy who got his powers from mutant mathematics. Good job!)
Transportation: Yak Catamaran

I love you, internet.

-Tabris